A Certain Immortal
by KittandChips
Summary: Carlisle and his family are living peacefully in Calgary when Maria decides to find out what happened to her favorite creation. Based on the mention of Maria's visit in Midnight Sun. Tags: Canon, Carlisle POV, Father-Son
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: A Certain Immortal

**Author**: Kitt

**Summary**: Carlisle and his family are living peacefully in Calgary when Maria decides to find out what happened to her favorite creation. Based on the mention of Maria's visit in Midnight Sun.

**Tags/Genres**: Carlisle POV, Carlisle, Jasper, Father-Son

**Thanks:** Triple-X-Large sized thanks to **annsteph** for betaring this for me.

**A/N**: This has eight chapters.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

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><p>"Good afternoon, Reg."<p>

A grunt came from behind the Vietnam War headlines of the Calgary Herald, and I couldn't help but smile. Doctor Reginald Stanz had shared an office with me for five months now, and his unsociable nature worked well for both of us.

This was a good situation we had in Canada. The hunting was ample and varied, my job satisfying, and I had heard no complaints from my children about the quality of education. Esme was studying landscaping, and the garden surrounding our house was revealing her vast capacity for art. I hoped to make my home here for years to come, and I could see Reg would have no objections.

A white square of paper sat on my desk, covered in Reg's messy scrawl. It took a bit of deciphering, but I quickly concluded Simon's mother wanted a word. Ten-year-old Simon was recovering from a tonsillectomy. I'd met him last night, while covering a shift on the pediatric ward for a sick colleague.

Pediatrics was normally an area to avoid. Children had a habit of asking whatever question happened to cross their mind._ Why are your eyes that weird color? Why are your hands so cold? Why are you so pale?_ It was only a matter of time before a particularly astute one asked if I was a vampire.

Last night, a nurse had grown concerned over Simon's temperature. His mother must have seen my name next to the notes in his patient file.

It seemed I needed to reassure an anxious parent.

The main ward desk was my first stop. Lana, one of the front desk receptionists, was leaning over the counter with a cup of tea, talking with the charge nurse. Lana had a reputation as the biggest gossip among the staff, which was certainly saying something. She gave me a friendly smile as I approached.

"Hello, Doctor Cullen."

I smiled. "Lana."

The charge nurse was already handing me Simon's notes.

"He's fine," she said. "She knows he's fine. I _explained_ everything, but no. She wants to see _the doctor_. And not just any doctor, the one who saw him last night. She's angry that no one called her. God forbid we should not wake her up at three am for every minor change."

"Sounds like you have another DFM on the ward," Lana said.

DFM was a code term the staff used to label particularly demanding family members.

"She must be worried," I said, reading down the page, familiarizing myself with the day's developments. His temperature had returned to normal before my shift had ended, and his primary doctor had given him a thorough exam the following morning.

Lana lowered her voice. "There's no father around. I bet she's divorced. Make sure you're wearing your wedding ring, doc."

I showed Lana evidence of said ring, and she smiled. As I walked away, I heard the charge nurse remark that she doubted the presence of a ring would stop Simon's mother. That didn't bode well.

It was the middle of visiting hours, and the ward corridors were busy with worried parents, mixed with those trying to make light of the situation. I dodged a whining little sister, a bored older brother, several wandering toddlers, and came to a stop next to three plastic army men, lying on the floor outside the entrance to Simon's room. If I had Alice's gift, I was sure I'd foresee a slipping accident occurring in the near future.

I rescued them from the floor and looked from one side of the room to the other. Simon's side had the curtain drawn across the middle, and all I could see was the end of his tightly tucked bed. The boy on the other side appeared to have brought his entire toy army. A tank rested on the meal trolley, its main gun aimed at my head. I glanced at the name on the door.

"Commander Aaron, three of your men were separated from their unit. I found them lost in enemy territory."

"Oh, can you put them here?" Aaron said, pointing at the two lumps made by his feet under the bedclothes. I propped them up on the sheet and stepped back.

"Watch this!" Aaron was quiet for a moment, and then suddenly kicked his left leg, sending the army men flying across the room. "Land mine explosion!" he declared. "Time for a helicopter rescue!" He picked up his toy helicopter, flying it around his head, complete with sound effects. An older lady, I assumed his grandmother, sat quietly knitting in the corner. She hadn't looked up throughout this exchange.

I gave Aaron a smile and then turned my attention to the other side of the room, where things weren't so exuberant.

Simon's mother sat with her hand resting on her son's leg, not taking her eyes off him as I stepped around the divider.

"Hello again, Simon. This must be your mom. It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Woodson, I'm Doctor Carlisle Cullen."

She gave me an initial glance, and then did a double take, looking me over in the careful way of someone who wasn't quite sure if I could really be qualified to take care of her precious child.

Simon had inherited his light brown hair from his mother, but hers was braided and tied back, not hanging loose like Simon's. His fell forward into his face as he slumped over a drawing pad. Black zigzags covered the page, left behind by a pencil sharp enough to cut into the paper.

I sat on the end of the bed. "How are you feeling, Simon?"

He didn't look up. "Okay."

I made eye contact with Simon's mother. "Did you have some questions for me?"

Simon's head ducked a little lower.

"Yes ... I ... sorry to bother you, they told me how busy you were, but I was wondering if you could tell me more about what happened last night."

"Certainly. Simon was displaying a mild post-op fever. His temperature had gone down by morning, a sign the body's immune system had taken care of the infection. This is a common occurrence after a tonsillectomy. I read over the notes, and it appears Simon's doctor gave him a thorough exam this morning. I can arrange a meeting for you if you'd like additional information."

My calm, professional tone had done the trick. Even as I began talking, I could see her posture relax.

"No … I … I think that's all I needed to know."

I softened my tone. "I understand you were upset that no one called you last night."

Simon covered his face with one hand, in the universal posture of children everywhere who were regularly embarrassed by their parents.

"You said you wouldn't complain, Mom!" He looked at me. "I told her! I said I told you not to call her."

"It's all right, Simon. It must have been worrying for your mother to arrive and find you'd had a temperature during the night, and she knew nothing about it."

"She's always worrying ..." Simon mumbled. But he sounded less embarrassed.

"I know you hate seeing your mom worried. Perhaps a phone call from me last night would have meant less worry for your mom today."

"But she'd have been woken up so early and she has to go to work. She'd have been awake the whole night thinking I was _dying_ or something. It was _nothing_, Mom."

She sighed. "Maybe I did over react."

"No, just being a parent," I assured her. "I understand it must have been frustrating to arrive this evening and find out this information from the patient notes instead of a conversation with a person. Our contact procedure only allows for night calls in issues deemed serious. However, I can put a note on Simon's file, so you always receive a call, any time of the day or night."

"I'd appreciate that, thank you. I was also wondering—"

Simon interrupted. "Mom, it's getting late. Don't you have to feed Wowser?"

"Will you be all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I want to sleep."

"Okay, honey." She leaned over to kiss him. "I'll come back later."

She turned to me. "Doctor, if I could please just ask you one more thing." She made a subtle gesture that this question was better suited to the corridor.

We left the room together, and she waited until we were outside the ward doors before speaking.

"I know this is not your decision, and I'm sorry for asking, but I'm at my end and you're the first person here to show any kind of concern."

It was a difficulty in the medical profession. Those who were too sympathetic risked burnout and psychological trauma. People learned to put up barriers for survival. Unfortunately, it often appeared as indifference to patients and their families.

"How can I help?"

"I was wondering if Simon could be moved to a different room. Away from that other boy."

It was fortunate she'd waited until now to ask me this. Simon may have died from embarrassment if he'd heard.

"Is there a problem with Aaron?"

"Yes. Simon's father is in Vietnam."

I was both surprised and saddened by this revelation. Simon's mother had a Canadian accent. Perhaps Simon's father was an American, or perhaps a Canadian who had gone to America to volunteer in the war.

"He's missing him and I know he worries his father is going to die. I'm afraid all these exploding toy soldiers aren't helping things."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you, Doctor Cullen."

She turned to leave, but the direction she started in would have led to another wing of the hospital.

"Mrs Woodson, I'm afraid you might find yourself lost in the coronary ward if you go that way."

I expected her to be embarrassed at the mistake, but I was unprepared at the complete deflation she exhibited as she slumped back against the wall and covered her face. She almost appeared on the verge of tears.

"I'm going to the ground floor myself," I lied. "Why don't you join me in the staff elevator?"

It took her a few seconds to acknowledge this.

"Thank you ... it hasn't been a good day." She laughed, but it wasn't genuine.

"I know the feeling."

She rubbed her eyes, taking a moment to compose herself, and then followed me to the elevator bay. On the way down, she glanced at me a few times before speaking.

"Do you normally work the night shift on the pediatric ward?"

"No, I was covering for Doctor Blackwell last night."

"Oh yes, I've met him. I was confused when I saw your name next to the notes. I thought they'd had to call in a throat specialist."

"No, I'm currently based in the renal ward."

The doors slid open then, and I gestured for her to leave ahead of me.

"Thank you again, Doctor."

She hurried out towards the parking lot, nearly tripping as she moved too fast in her high heels.

As I watched her leave, I was struck with how much the DFM label was used to avoid thinking over what someone's motivation might be for asking questions.

I needed to walk in sight of the reception desk to return to my office, and the temptation was strong to dash past at vampire speed to avoid Lana's interrogation about Mrs Woodson. I decided the purposeful stride of a busy doctor would suffice. It wasn't an act.

Lana straightened in her seat when she saw me. "Oh, Doctor Cullen! I was just trying to get a message to you. There's someone here to see you."

"A patient?"

"No ... maybe, she didn't say. She's outside."

I crossed the floor to her desk, and glanced towards the distant windows. The sun had gone down, leaving a purple sky and evening dew in the air.

"She wouldn't wait inside?"

She shrugged. "She was odd. Had a weird accent ... looked Mexican. Honestly, I thought she was a child at first, but she talks like someone much older."

Lana now had my full attention. I placed my hands on the counter top, leaning towards her. "And she specifically asked for me?"

Lana nodded slowly, her eyes growing wide.

I turned around and scented the air. _Vampire_. And not one I'd met before.

There was a phone on Lana's desk, and it hadn't rung once since this conversation had begun. They'd been plenty of time for contact from Alice, and it hadn't occurred. A thousand worries ran through my mind. What if she was incapacitated somehow? What if they'd been attacked? What if this vampire was just one of many?

Several slow breaths were needed before I could get my thoughts under control. My family was more than a match for another coven. This was likely just a nomad, curious to meet me. They wouldn't be the first. I had always been something of a circus sideshow among my kind.

The vampire scent led me through the doors to the hospital grounds, where my visitor stood waiting next to a central water feature.

She had dark hair, and, despite the fact the sun had set, she wore sunglasses. Her small face and stature did suggest someone on the younger side of twenty. Her stance was cautious, yet non-threatening, reflecting my own. She removed the glasses as I approached, revealing bright red eyes.

"A vampire doctor." She said the words slowly, like she was testing how they sounded. "And I thought I'd seen everything."

As Lana had suggested, her origins were south of the United States border. This supported the curious nomad theory.

"I'm Carlisle Cullen," I said, keeping my voice relaxed. "Whom do I have the pleasure of meeting?"

She spoke as if she hadn't heard the question. "Do you really drink from animals?"

"Yes, I do."

"No humans?"

"No humans."

Her nose creased like she'd caught an unpleasant scent. "Then I believe you have something that belongs to me." She smiled in a smug way that made me feel uncomfortable.

"That seems unlikely, as I'm certain we've never met before."

"Does the name Jasper mean something?"

My eyes widened. "Maria?"

She nodded, her smile growing bigger.

I should have realized sooner. But this vampire who stood in front of me was not exactly what I'd pictured from Jasper's story. When I imagined a vampire who had led newborn armies for decades, I'd envisioned someone taller, at the very least. She had a few visible scars, but nothing like Jasper's, or even Peter, who'd only spent a few years in the South.

It took me a moment to formulate a plan. My first priority was to correct her sad assumption. The second was to offer a warning. I knew Jasper had not left her on good terms.

"Jasper is not in my possession. He lives with me of his own free will. I warn you, if you are here to cause suffering, he is under the protection of a large family."

She laughed. "What has he told you about me?"

"Among other things, that you were planning to kill him."

She waved a hand, dismissing the fact.

"Did he mention that he was planning to kill me? Anyway, it's bygones now. I pick my battles, Carlisle, and I have no argument with you. All I want is safe passage to see him."

"You've traveled all the way from the South, no doubt risking your territory falling into enemy hands, just to see Jasper?"

She nodded. Off my disbelieving look, she said, "You've sired vampires?"

I nodded.

"Wouldn't you do the same for one you had created?"

"I understand you see to it that most of yours end up dead within a year."

"Jasper is different." Her eyes became distant, wistful. "His name meant death in the South. The whiff of his scent used to send our enemies scattering." She smiled, lost in memories, and then looked at me directly. "I want to know what he found here that is better than what he had with me."

I had no reason to doubt what she said. But the thought of Jasper being alone with her made me uneasy. She clearly thought siring a vampire was akin to owning one, and she may well feel she had rightful authority over her favorite creation. Jasper had obeyed her for so many years, it may be difficult for him to openly defy her, even after so long apart.

But, I had no right to suggest the meeting shouldn't take place.

"It will be Jasper's decision whether he wants to meet with you. I will consult with him and then meet you tomorrow to give you his answer."

"Here?"

The last thing I wanted was another visit at work. I hoped Lana would forget about this one. "No. There is a forest due west of here with a lake in the middle. We will meet by the lake at midnight."

She nodded. "Very well. Midnight tomorrow."

"Also, I ask that you refrain from hunting in Calgary. We don't wish to draw any attention."

She gave me a smile that showed her teeth. "I've fed entire vampire armies without attracting attention, Carlisle."

I considered pointing out that humans generally found the wearing of sunglasses in the dark, with no seeing eye dog or walking stick in sight, to be an odd sight, but I wasn't going to get into a discussion on the matter. "Do I have your agreement?"

She studied my expression, and then said, "I'm sure there is good hunting elsewhere. Until tomorrow, then."

I nodded, and waited for her to leave first, not feeling comfortable turning my back on her. She backed away slowly, and then turned and ran off into the nearby trees.

I turned quickly, moving back into the hospital building as fast as I could without attracting suspicion.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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><p>My first priority was to call home. They needed to know she was in the area, in case she changed her mind about waiting until tomorrow. I would find an empty office to use for the phone call. Reg was probably still firmly ensconced in ours.<p>

My thoughts were so completely absorbed in my family, I had walked through many corridors before I realized I could smell a very familiar scent. _Alice_.

I dodged several orderlies in my haste to reach my office. She was there, sitting hunched in the chair beside my desk, hands covering her face. She rushed over to me when I entered, and I automatically opened my arms to embrace her.

Beside me, the newspaper rustled as Reg turned another page. I frowned. This wasn't a good day to be sharing an office.

"Alice, honey, what is it?"

I knew exactly what was wrong, but it would seem odd to Reg if I instead asked her about the future.

Alice looked up. It took her a few seconds to get it out. "Jasper."

"Is he in danger?"

"Maybe ... I don't know."

Reg cleared his throat. "I can cover for you if you need to duck out."

I glanced at the newspaper.

"Thank you. I'll call if I find myself needed for longer than an hour."

I put my arm around Alice, and guided her out the door. We took the service elevator, reducing the possibility of encountering any bleeding patients. My daughter appeared blank most of the time, searching her visions. Once we were in the privacy of my car, speeding towards home, she started talking.

"We were at the mall. The boys were doing food shopping, and Rose and I were looking at a shoe sale, when I saw. I saw your meeting with Maria. I was going to run to the market and tell Jasper, but then I saw him ..."

"Leaving?"

She nodded, and let out a miserable whine.

"He'll want to protect you from her," I reasoned.

"But I can't see him returning! What if she makes him go back to the South? If she invents some tragic story about how she needs him to fight in some campaign or she's going to die—"

"Alice, he would _never_ leave you. If you haven't seen him returning, it's because the future hasn't been decided."

She moaned. "I don't want him to leave even for a single second! I don't want him alone with that harpy! I _hate_ her!"

I looked over in surprise as she bared her teeth and growled.

She clenched her hands around the edge of the seat, squeezing the upholstery. "Why did she have to come looking for him? He _left_. You think she'd take the hint. That she-demon kept him prisoner in that toxic environment, never giving him the chance to see life outside the South. He could have died in any one of her pointless battles!" She took a breath and looked down. Her tone was quiet when she spoke again. "But … if she didn't turn Jasper, I would never have known him. I hate her for that, too. I hate that I owe her for the center of my life."

I shared her conflict. I loved Jasper as a son, and I couldn't imagine my family without him.

But as much as I despised Maria's use and abuse of humans, I would not know Jasper without her.

If I had come across him as a human, I would never have turned him. Even if he'd been dying. In the 1860s, I hadn't yet accepted that turning a human could ever be an acceptable choice.

I reached over to pat Alice's shoulder.

"Here's what we will do. We'll go home, and have a talk with Jasper. Just us, and Esme. I'll convince him to stay."

She looked blank for an instant, and then she smiled. "You will, too."

She leaned over to hug me as best she could, and I had to adjust my grip on the steering wheel.

"What do I say?" I asked.

"I can't see. You might not say anything. Whatever it is, it changes his mind."

I tried to take heart from this, but Alice's confidence was unique to her. Her visions were an odd thing to contemplate. Will I say the right thing because Alice has given me the confidence to know I will say the right thing? Or will it make no difference, whether I had prior knowledge of my success or not? In the decade that Alice had been a member of my family, I had learned not to consider her gift too closely.

Esme came down to meet us when she heard the car in the garage. Her welcoming hug was just what I needed then, and I missed it when she eventually pushed me back. "Home already?" She studied Alice's expression, and then looked back at me. "What's wrong?"

I listened to the ambient noise, and realized the others weren't home.

"Maria has come looking for Jasper. She made contact with me at the hospital."

"_Maria_? _The_ Maria?"

I nodded.

She looked quickly to Alice. "Does Jasper know?"

Alice shook her head.

"Alice saw him running away if she told him, possibly to confront her on his own. It seems if we discuss it with him together, we can avoid that situation."

"They'll be home in two minutes," Alice said. She sounded nervous. "They all know something is wrong … Rose told them I abandoned a shoe sale."

Esme smiled, putting her arm around Alice. "Poor Jasper. He'll think you've suffered a mental breakdown."

Alice returned Esme's smile. "Well … the sale is still on tomorrow. And the shoes I want will still be there."

I heard Emmett's truck on the highway near the house, and met Esme's gaze. She nodded once, and looked down at Alice. "Let's go on upstairs, honey."

"I'll bring Jasper up when he arrives," I promised.

I stood looking out the front windows, watching as the boys drove up. Emmett was letting Edward drive, and Jasper sat in the front beside him. Emmett didn't seem particularly affected by the situation … he was trying to interest the others in a movie tonight.

Edward stopped by the door, letting the others out before driving the truck into the garage. Rose was the first inside, carrying bags of shopping in each hand. She stopped when she saw me, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"Carlisle, I thought you were ..." She frowned. "We're not moving, are we?"

"No, Rose, not yet." I looked past her, seeing Jasper slipping in quietly behind Emmett. He was looking around, and I had a good idea who he was hoping to see. "Jasper, there's something we need to discuss ... would you mind accompanying me upstairs?"

Jasper met my gaze, radiating worry and concern. Edward appeared in the kitchen doorway, staring at me blankly as he read my thoughts. He folded his arms when he found what he was looking for, and gave me a look like he wished his gift could work both ways.

"It's all right," I assured him. _Alice sees a good outcome._

He nodded.

Emmett punched Jasper on the shoulder with his free hand. His other was taken up with two bags of human food. "What have you done, bro?"

"It's probably what he's going to do," Rose mumbled.

"No one has done or is going to do anything," I said, trying not to cringe as I felt Jasper's embarrassment.

"Sure." Emmett slapped Jasper on the back. "Nice knowing you, bro."

"Leave it alone, Em," Edward said mildly. He wandered off towards the lounge, and Emmett followed him, turning back once to grin at Jasper. Rose went to the kitchen to start putting the human food in its correct place. Jasper stood as still as the antique lamp beside him. My reassurance had done nothing for his mood.

I gestured for him to walk up ahead of me, trying to send him some calm. It seemed to help, because he began climbing the stairs.

As soon as he entered my study, Alice leaped up and wrapped her arms around him, knocking him against the wall with the force of her greeting.

I quietly closed the door behind me, and moved to join Esme on the couch. Alice released Jasper, and then pulled her mate over to a chair in front of us. He sat down slowly, and she sat on top of him for good measure.

"Alice, what's wrong?" he asked. When she didn't answer, he looked up at me and Esme. "What is it?"

I was about to talk, when I heard the sound of a stair compressing under the weight of someone's foot. I frowned, and zipped across to open the door. Both Emmett and Rosalie were on the stairs, doing their best to appear completely uninterested.

I sighed.

"All right, come on in, then. Edward, you too. But please, let Jasper be the one to talk."

Whenever we had family meetings, Jasper hardly said a word, unless specifically asked a question. I was sure it wasn't that he had nothing to say; he simply wasn't the kind to interrupt and talk over people, and his siblings provided enough conversation to last an eternity.

Emmett, Rosalie and Edward filed in quietly, and stood in front of my gallery wall.

Jasper appeared highly uncomfortable at being the center of attention. He looked at me with a pleading expression as I returned to my seat beside Esme, and I felt the urge to share the information I had yet to reveal.

"Jasper, I had a visit outside the hospital a short time ago. From Maria."

His eyes widened, and I saw his grip on Alice tighten.

"It's her," Edward confirmed.

"She asked me for safe passage to visit you."

"No," Alice said, slapping Jasper's chest. "You're not going anywhere!"

He looked down at Alice, and then back at me.

"What did you say?"

"I said I would discuss the matter with you, and then meet with her tomorrow to give her your answer. The decision is yours, Jasper."

His gaze became unfocused for a few seconds, and we all felt his anxiety. Then he moved to stand up, shifting Alice aside.

"I won't put anyone in danger on my account. The best thing is if I go and meet with her somewhere else. Far from here."

Alice clung tight, preventing him from standing. "No!"

"I won't have her anywhere _near_ you, Alice."

"I can take care of myself!"

"I could be wrong, Jasper," Esme said quietly, "but it sounds far more dangerous for you to meet with her alone than with all of us present. She would hardly attack you when she was outnumbered seven to one."

I entwined my fingers in hers, squeezing gently.

"Esme's Advanced Tactical Analysis, 101," Emmett said, grinning at his mother.

She gave him an affectionate smile.

"Carlisle said it's my decision, and I decide to go and meet with her alone," Jasper said, radiating determination. I knew he was a second away from using his gift to influence the situation.

"It is your decision," I confirmed, "But you should take into consideration that it will be our decision … no, it will be our duty … to follow you in the interest of your safety. And considering you will be weighed down by Alice, you won't be able to shake us."

Emmett chuckled. "Right on."

Jasper looked at a loss for a moment, clearly realizing his vision of making this a solo mission wasn't a possibility. With Alice seeing the future, and Edward reading his thoughts, he wouldn't be able to sneak off.

He sighed. "You don't know her. She's not like you. Any appearance of civility is just that … an appearance."

"You don't need to be embarrassed by your kooky relatives," Emmett said, folding his arms. "You should meet some of Carlisle's friends." He shuddered. "Besides, I can be more uncivilized than her any day of the week." He winked at Rose.

"What does she want, anyway?" Rose asked, while tickling Emmett under the arm.

"I wish I'd been there," Edward said. "I could have found out. She told Carlisle she just wants to see why Jasper is happier here than in the South, but that could be a front."

"Carlisle, you should tell her to go away," Rose said.

I had kept my eyes on Jasper while the others were talking, trying to gauge his likely course of action. He kept his head down until he heard Rose's suggestion.

"I can't see her giving up easily, not after coming all this way," Jasper said. "It won't be just about looking me up. She must want something."

"Perhaps Edward should accompany me tomorrow. At a distance, in order not to scare her off. But close enough to read her thoughts and confirm her intentions. Alice, do you see any complication with that plan?"

Alice looked blank. "The future keeps changing. But I don't see any of us in danger." She rubbed Jasper's hand and then gave him a pleading look.

He looked at her and they shared a moment of silent communication, and then he addressed me.

"Very well. Tell her I don't wish to see her."

I looked to Esme, and she nodded in agreement.

"Then it's settled," she said.

Her tone was calm, but there was worry in her eyes.

The others filed out, Emmett leading the way. He'd quickly lost interest in the situation and was already trying to engage Edward in conversation about the movie he wanted to see. Jasper went last, Alice still clinging to his arm.

Esme stood up, pulling me with her, and reached up to kiss me. "Do you have to go back to work?" she asked.

"It's incredibly tempting to call in sick," I said, running my hands down her back.

"I wouldn't tell on you."

We shared a hug, and then I reluctantly let her go. "I'm hoping Lana will forget she ever saw Maria. It's best if I'm not away too long."

"When did you arrange to meet Maria tomorrow?"

"After midnight, by the lake." I rubbed my head. "She was different than what I expected. So young and small, I find it hard to believe she ever ruled over a large southern territory."

Esme smiled. "Appearances can be deceiving."

"In her case, most definitely." I frowned to myself, remembering the story of Jasper stopping to help Maria, seeing only a lost girl on the road to Galveston. I would have fallen into the same trap.

Esme reached up to kiss me again, and then took me by the hand, leading me to the door. It was a comfort for me to know she would be here with our children while I was at the hospital. From the top of the stairs, I could see them in the lounge.

Rose was lying with her head on Emmett's lap, reading a magazine while her mate watched TV. Neither of them were bothered by the situation, or at least they didn't show it.

Alice and Edward were sitting on the other couch, Edward quietly observing while Alice sketched with a pencil on a drawing pad. I was surprised to find Jasper was absent. Edward looked at me, and then shifted his gaze to the window. I followed his prompt, seeing my third son outside on the deck. His posture was still and alert.

Esme nodded at me as I walked down, knowing I was weighing the wisdom of going out to speak to him before I left. The fact that Alice had decided to give him some space was telling.

It was probably best to leave him alone, but I knew if I did, I would spend the rest of my shift thinking of little else but Jasper.

I used the front door to go out onto the deck, approaching slowly to give him the opportunity to warn me off if he didn't want my presence right now. He didn't move at all from his statue pose, and I took that to mean I was not unwelcome. I rested my arms against the barrier, trying to balance his desire for space and my desire for closeness.

"There's plenty of time to change your mind, if you have second thoughts," I said. "Call me at the hospital if you want to talk it over."

He gave a small nod, while staring straight ahead. I concentrated on how much I cared for him, knowing he would feel it. After a few seconds, he visibly relaxed and looked me in the eyes.

"She's my problem. I want to handle this alone."

"Because you don't want anyone else inconvenienced?"

He nodded. "I cause enough problems for all of you as it is."

Jasper had convinced himself he was a liability right from the first time we had to move due to his actions, and I had never managed to talk him into thinking otherwise. I tried to find ways of involving him more in the work necessary to maintain our human charade, in the hope this would help him feel like an asset. But Jasper felt his failures deeply, and there was little that would budge his negative self-image. Still, I would never let his remarks slide.

"We all cause problems, and we all find solutions for each other. That's part of being a family. We also protect each other. You would do the same for any of us."

Jasper sighed, and nodded once.

I started to leave, but I looked back, deciding there was something I had to ask.

"If it did happen to come to a fight between you and Maria ... do you think you would win?"

Jasper, unlike his brothers, had a very accurate view of his own fighting abilities.

He considered it for a moment. When he replied, he spoke quietly enough that only I would be able to hear. "Physically, I could win. Psychologically ..." he looked away.

"I understand."

"Can you tell her … I send my regards, but I've turned the page on her chapter of my life. And I hope she understands."

"I will tell her."

I touched his shoulder as I left, sending him some love.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

><p>Esme didn't mention Maria again the next day, and we spent most of our time together otherwise occupied. But when I came to say goodbye as I left for work, her goodbye kiss was longer than usual. I returned with an extra long hug.<p>

The clouds drifted across the sky during my drive along the back highway, sending sunlight reflecting off the road. The staff parking lot was undercover, but I had to walk the long way around to enter the hospital while remaining in shadow. It took me through a lower level used by visitors.

It was there I came across Simon's mother, standing beside an aging blue ford, and struggling to cut a strip of duct tape while preventing it from curling back on itself. She startled for a brief moment when I walked up beside her, and then looked down at the concrete, clearly self-conscious about her situation.

"Hello, Mrs Woodson." My gaze shifted to the rear side window of her car, which was marred by a large crack. "I see life is conspiring against you lately."

She smiled for a brief moment. "Tell me about it. Something came off the back of a truck overtaking me on the highway."

"May I assist you?"

"Oh, only if you have time ..."

I took hold of the tape, careful not to touch her hands. Sharing the work between us, we quickly had the window securely taped. She didn't look at me while we worked, and I could see she was a little embarrassed to accept my help.

"Are you on your way to see Simon now, or are you leaving?" I asked as I passed the tape back.

"Just arriving. The receptionist let me borrow this tape, which was nice of her, as I wasn't all that pleasant yesterday." She fidgeted with the tape. "I ... uh, I want to apologize for asking you about shifting Simon to a different room. I realized during my drive home yesterday that I was overreacting, and then I found out this morning the other boy was being discharged today anyway." She shook her head. "I can only imagine what you all must think of me here."

"We understand how stressful it is having a child in hospital." I walked beside her as we entered the main building. "How is Simon?"

She sighed. "He was supposed to be discharged tomorrow, but his doctor wants to keep him under observation a bit longer ... I know he's in the best place for him right now, but ... _I_ want to be the one taking care of him."

"I understand."

"Do you have any children?"

"Yes." I refrained from mentioning how many. That would start a conversation longer than I could invest in right now. "It's a worrying business, being a parent," I added.

She nodded. "And just when they get past one thing like having tonsils removed, there's a whole new set of things to worry about just around the corner. He's not even a teenager yet." She shook her head. "My cousin, in America … her son has just turned eighteen and had to register for the draft. If he gets called up, he could be in Vietnam in six months."

"Having a child fighting in a war would be a hard thing for any parent. I can't imagine it myself."

Or could I? It wasn't too hard to imagine how I would feel if the message I was giving Maria tonight was a little different. If Jasper did choose to go with Maria to fight in some territorial vampire war, I would be an anxious wreck until he was safely home.

I pushed away the thought, knowing Mrs Woodson needed some positive words right now.

"I try and remind myself of all the wonderful things about parenthood, whenever the worries seem overwhelming. The rewards outstrip the pain."

She nodded in agreement. She started to ask something, but then changed her mind and looked away.

"I hope Simon is feeling better today," I said, stopping by the door to the stairs.

"Thank you, Doctor. And thanks for your help with the car."

I nodded, and took my leave.

The familiar sound of a rustling newspaper met me as I entered my office.

"Good afternoon, Reg."

He mumbled something in response. Half an hour later, after I had made decent headway on the stack of paperwork on my desk, he actually asked me a question.

"So what's this about you being visited by an exotic young woman yesterday?"

I stared at his paper for a few seconds, wondering if I'd just imagined him speaking.

"Have I been a feature in the staff gossip circle?" I asked lightly, hiding my concerns.

"Six people have asked me for details."

I smiled. No wonder Reg was annoyed.

"If they are hoping for a sordid scandal, I'm afraid they will be disappointed. She is a former acquaintance of one of my sons, and was seeking my permission to visit him."

"Is that what your daughter was upset about?"

"Yes. She was worried my son was going to do something reckless. We had a family meeting and harmony was restored."

"It's nice your kids still take you seriously. My youngest just turned thirteen, and she communicates with me solely by rolling her eyes."

Reg rarely talked about his kids. I smiled at the image.

"I do get my own fair share of eye rolling at times."

He lapsed into silence again. I had just returned to the paperwork, when his phone rang. He left it ringing four times before he reached around the paper to pick up the receiver.

"Doctor Stanz speaking. All right, I'll come down now."

He hung up the phone, and turned a page in the newspaper. I glanced at him, wondering what 'now' meant in Reg's mind, and found myself looking at a headline.

I read it out, a question in my voice. "A protestor set himself on fire?"

"Yes, outside the Pentagon. Brought his baby along too, the madman. At least he had enough sanity to pass the child to safety."

"Thank God for that."

"I bet you're glad you moved here, for your sons' sake. I can see a lot more from your side crossing over if this war continues."

Reg would never notice my pause, as it only took a second, but I had to consider my reply. Sometimes, when dealing with the daily business of pretending to be human, it was helpful to imagine how I would feel if I was actually the human I pretended to be. Human charade Carlisle was indeed pleased with his decision to immigrate to Canada, and told Reg as much. But, in reality, I knew I may have to return to America before the war was over, but it was no matter. We had found our way around the draft before.

It was a quiet shift, giving me plenty of time to be alone with my thoughts. A feeling of calm had settled over me as I returned to my car. It was a source of gladness that I was on my way to tell Maria that Jasper did not wish to see her.

Gladness was an understatement. Inexplicable happiness. And relief.

As I drove along the back highway beside the forest, my thoughts turned once again to the subject of Jasper's entrance into the vampire world. Not for the first time, I wondered how he would be different if I had sired him. Sometimes I was certain I was seeing glimpses of the human he used to be. Playing with Emmett, laughing with Edward, teasing Rose. Rolling his eyes at the mountains of shopping bags filling his bedroom.

I shook my head, wondering how someone so innately sensitive had survived one day in the midst of so much violence, never mind decades.

We couldn't ignore the results of his decades spent with Maria. The sight of him flinching away from Esme's hugs, because he didn't like having another vampire's teeth too close to his neck. The times when something was causing him to suffer, but he refused to talk about it, because to have a problem was to have a weakness. His struggle to bond fully with his family, as bonding required trust, and trusting too much was to leave yourself vulnerable.

If to be once bitten meant being twice shy, it was amazing Jasper had been able to navigate life with his new family as well as he had.

But, perhaps in an overly optimistic fashion, I believed time could heal all wounds, even ones as deep as Jasper's. Time … and love.

Edward's car was already waiting in the parking lot when I arrived. But the vampire who was leaning against the vehicle was not Edward, but the son who had taken up so many of my thoughts today. My surprise must have been obvious to him, because it was certainly filling me.

"Change of plan?" I enquired as I stepped out onto the loose gravel.

Edward popped up from the other side, where he'd been crouched down beside the tires, probably taking the time to check the tread.

Jasper ducked his head. Edward looked from him to me, but didn't say anything. Eventually, Jasper spoke, in a quiet, hesitant way. "I'd always be wondering if I didn't find out what she wanted. Alice agreed as long as you came with me. Edward can be close by, but not close enough that she'll know he's there. She won't show herself if there's three of us. She'll think it's an ambush."

"That sounds like a good plan."

He gave me a searching look, probably trying to discern why my feelings didn't match my words. The truth was I would rather not have Maria near Jasper, but expressing that thought would not make this any easier for my son. I could see he was nervous already, though he did his utmost to hide it. I felt ... protective.

"I'll come at the first sign of any deception from her," Edward said, coming to my side.

I nodded, patting his shoulder.

"Let's go, then."

Jasper ran ahead, and Edward and I followed.

We broke into a run as we left the road behind. We were all familiar with this area, having hunted here many times in the last three years, and took several shortcuts to shorten our journey to the lake. We left Edward beside the river fork, and then followed the bank. It was muddy this time of year, and it was fortunate these were far from my only work clothes.

Jasper slowed down as we approached our destination, and I could see him scenting the air.

I stopped next to the water, and listened carefully. If Maria was here, she was hiding well.

"She's not here yet," Jasper confirmed. "I'd feel her."

"How close does she have to be before you will sense her?"

"With Maria, further than most. Unless ... the time apart may have dampened the effect." His head swiftly turned towards the other side of the lake. "She's here."

She slowed to a walk as she came within a hundred feet of us. Her face lit up as she recognized Jasper, and she sped up. I steeled myself against the urge to stand in front of him. Jasper, for reasons I could only guess at, moved closer to me.

But Maria didn't acknowledge my presence. I don't think she was even aware I was there. She brought her hands up to either side of Jasper's face, staring intensely into his eyes. He allowed this until she moved to kiss him, at which point he shied back and offered a handshake instead.

She eyed his hand in confusion for a moment, and then her head snapped up.

"You look different." Her voice was full of suspicion.

Jasper didn't reply. He clasped both his hands behind his back, standing still and straight.

"Unnatural eyes ..." She reached out and fingered his shirt. "Fine clothes."

Her hand trailed down his chest.

"You feel happier."

Her voice had grown more curious.

Jasper looked aside for a brief second, and then focused on Maria. "Why are you here?"

"Ah, you wound me with your coldness, my army general." She stroked his chest again. "What have I done to deserve this? You are the one who left without so much as a goodbye."

Jasper ducked his head slightly, and I felt a vague feeling of shame.

"Perhaps it might have something to do with you planning to kill him," I suggested.

She laughed. "A misunderstanding." She pointed at Jasper, touching his chest with her finger. "You obviously changed your mind, and you are no longer suffering from those intolerable moods you'd get yourself into. Can we call a truce?"

"I have no argument with you," Jasper said, his tone less strained.

"Yet you've never come home."

"That life never appealed to me. You know that."

She raised her hands in exasperation. "I don't understand you. What wasn't to like? You had it all, Jasper. Humans for the taking, fighting when you wanted, occasional mating. What more does a vampire want?"

His pang of embarrassment made me cringe.

"I even let Peter live so you had a friend. What a mistake that was. I suppose he lured you here with talk of some Northern promised land, and now I find you drinking animals. What type of vampire drinks from animals?"

Jasper was still too embarrassed to talk. I felt the need to defend him. "Perhaps one who absorbs the pain and suffering of human prey."

"It never bothered him before. He and Peter used to bet on who could drink the most humans, and Jasper would always win."

Another sharp stab of embarrassment. Maria reached up to cradle his cheek.

"There was nothing you'd like better than celebrating a victory with nice warm human blood. Someone has twisted your mind." She frowned at me for a second, and then her head whipped back to Jasper. She leaned up to his neck, and I started forward, thinking she was going to bite, but she only sniffed around his collar. He shifted uncomfortably, and she leaned back.

"What is that scent? Is that another vampire?" Her face broke into a smile, showing her teeth. "A female vampire?"

Jasper was nervous now. His obvious discomfort only confirmed Maria's words.

"Is that why you're living like this? I should have known ... you always would do anything for a woman." She nudged him in a playful way.

It was a very good thing Alice was safely at home. I had a fair idea how she would react to her relationship with Jasper being compared to the one Maria had enjoyed.

Maria's grin became sly. "Can I meet her?"

Jasper sighed. "Why do you want to?"

"I could give her some tips." She ran a finger down Jasper's arm.

It then occurred to me that Alice had perhaps spied on this conversation through her visions, which were finely tuned when they involved Jasper. Then again, perhaps not. If she had, I would expect her to be here right now, ripping Maria's head off.

Jasper took a step back, moving away from her touch.

"Besides, I'm curious about the type of woman who would actually put up with your moods."

"An extraordinary one," Jasper said. "And I would rather you kept your distance from her. Do you plan to leave this area tonight?"

"I will if that's what you want. But at least take a walk with me. I have things to tell you about the South, and I want to hear more about your life here." She looked at me. "Alone."

Jasper gave me a quick glance, and then looked down. I reached out to touch him, using his gift to communicate my uneasiness at leaving him alone, and then my willingness to do so.

"If it's what you want," I added.

He didn't look at me. It felt like he was trying to send me some calm, to indicate it was fine for me to leave, but instead I was receiving shame with a shade of calm on the side. It was an unpleasant feeling, and I removed my hand.

"I'll wait for you by the car," I said gently. "Take as long as you need."

It took all my inner strength to willingly turn and leave Jasper there with Maria. I took heart from the fact that Edward would be here if there was any possibility of her turning violent.

Instead, he was sitting cross-legged on a tree stump right where I'd left him, scratching in the mud with a stick.

"It's all right," he said, casting the stick aside. "She has no plans to harm him, or any of us."

"Did you learn anything of her real purpose?"

"It's exactly what she said. She was curious, and wanted to see for herself what had become of Jasper. He's important to her … more so than Jasper ever knew."

This didn't make me feel any better.

"Is Jasper all right? He seemed uncomfortable."

Edward shrugged. "Well, it may take him a few weeks to be able to look you in the eye again."

"What? Why?"

Edward didn't reply.

Thinking back over the conversation, I remembered the things Maria had said that had triggered shame in Jasper. Of course he wouldn't want me hearing about the less than civilized aspects of his life in the South. I would have to reassure him later. There was no need for shame.

"What did she think about Alice?"

"She's curious as to whether it's serious, or just a passing relationship. Jasper has no plans to let her see how much Alice means to him, but I don't see how he can keep it secret. Especially if he gives in to her desire to meet her."

"That isn't a good idea."

"I know. And you only heard what she said out loud. She was actually hoping that … well, she was hoping Jasper might be willing, for old times sake."

I raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell Alice."

"Didn't plan on it. Apart from that, she's curious about how you control the coven. She's questioning Jasper about it now."

I wondered what he was saying.

"Do you want me to give you a running commentary?"

As much as I would like to know what Jasper would share with Maria, I had to decline.

"Eavesdroppers seldom hear good of themselves."

Edward smiled. "I hear good things about me all the time. Last week, Rose thought my new composition was beautiful. It's what she says to my face that isn't so nice."

"I don't think the saying refers to mind reading vampires. Perhaps eavesdroppers would hear more good of themselves if what people said out loud did match their inner thoughts."

"Well, Jasper thinks a lot and hardly says anything, so I wouldn't worry. Next time Maria sees you, she might treat you with a bit more respect. He told her you know the Volturi."

I shook my head. "It's a sad commentary on vampire society when knowing the Volturi gains one respect."

"Now they're talking about life in the South. Some covens have gone, some are still strong. Sounds like things are quieter there. She wants to know if he misses it."

I knew I should let them have their privacy, but I didn't ask Edward to stop.

"He says he doesn't miss the constant violence. She can't believe he hasn't died of boredom. Without even humans to provide a distraction."

Edward suddenly looked back up the river.

"The others just arrived in the parking lot. They got tired of waiting and talked themselves into coming."

I chuckled. "Even Rose?"

"Rose is driving."

"Will you still be able to hear any trouble if we go back?"

Edward frowned. "I think so. As long as they don't go much further out."

"Then we should go and provide some reassurance."

Edward nodded. He listened for another moment, and I guessed he was checking to ensure nothing was amiss with Jasper, and then followed behind me.

When we arrived back at the cars, there were indeed far more vampires waiting for us than there had been earlier. Alice was cuddled in Esme's arms. Emmett was pacing up and down, flexing his arms. He was probably disappointed there wasn't a fight going on.

Emmett turned to face me when I emerged from the trees. "Where's Jasper? Is he with her?"

I nodded. "Maria wanted to talk alone. She seems harmless enough. For now, at least."

I moved to Esme's side, placing one hand on her shoulder, and the other on Alice's back. "He's fine," I assured them, seeing Alice's worried face.

Edward came to join me, and Alice peered out over Esme's arm, looking for confirmation of my words from her brother.

He nodded. "Maria wants to meet you," he said. "She keeps bringing it up. He's reluctant, but she's wearing him down."

I raised an eyebrow. I never thought I'd see Jasper be worn down on the issue of protecting Alice.

"It's Maria," was all Edward said in response.

I looked at Alice. "Do you want to meet her?"

"Yes ... to tell her to stay away from him. He doesn't need her."

Edward met my eyes. "Jasper thinks that if she meets Alice, she might go on her way. He wants to ask you what you think. He's coming this way, and he doesn't know the rest of you are here."

I looked around at my family. They were still and serious, with none of the smiles normally reserved for guests.

In the distance, the hum of a car traveling down the highway echoed in the night. What would the locals think if someone recognized me and my family, standing around in the parking lot in the early hours of the morning?

"We need to go somewhere else," Edward agreed.

"All right. Here's what I propose. I drive Jasper and Maria to the house, and we will all meet her there."

Edward nodded, handing Emmett his keys. "I'll stay with you and Jasper. Em, mind taking my car home?"

"Sure. But is this a good idea? Esme might be mad if the house gets all busted up because Alice and Maria have a go at each other."

"I'm not going to fight her!" Alice protested.

"Yeah, you say that now."

Alice broke away from Esme and shoved Emmett. It resembled a kitten trying to push over a big dog.

"You can't even control your temper with me!" Emmett laughed.

"All right, that's enough teasing, Emmett," Esme said, gently moving Alice back. "Let's go home. We'll see you soon, Carlisle."

I nodded, trying not to feel too concerned about what I had just witnessed. Emmett did have a point.

Edward gave me a sideways look, and I could see some amusement in his expression.

I sighed, patting him on the shoulder. "Come on, let's find your brother."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

><p>Jasper met us in the forest, without Maria. I hoped he had changed his mind about bringing her to meet his mate, but when Edward spoke, I knew that was not the case.<p>

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"She won't leave until she satisfies her curiosity," Jasper said. He looked at me. "She wants to meet the whole family. She's waiting by the lake. I told her I would talk to you, and then give her my answer."

"The rest of the family was just in the parking lot," I explained. "No one had any objections to meeting Maria."

"Emmett thinks the house will be destroyed when she and Alice start fighting, though," Edward said.

Jasper shook his head. "She won't fight Alice. I told her about her premonition gift. I said she can beat me in a fight, and Maria knows I wouldn't exaggerate about that."

I nodded. "All right. Why don't you go and call Maria, and then we can return home together."

Jasper nodded, and disappeared into the trees. I ran my hands through my hair, feeling uneasy. If I was reading Jasper correctly, he didn't really want to introduce Maria to Alice, but he considered that a preferable scenario to having Maria remain in the area or return at a later date because she had been left unsatisfied. He obviously felt unable to tell her to leave and never come back. Perhaps he wasn't sure that was what he really wanted.

"That's an accurate assessment of the situation," Edward said, fingering an overhanging branch.

"Poor Jasper," I murmured. His relationship with Maria had been unequal, unsatisfying, and based on exploitation. Of course he didn't want to see her again. Yet, she was still his creator. It made me think that perhaps it was a very good thing that I had never known the vampire who created me.

"I was thinking she makes me realize how lucky I am to have been raised in this life by you," Edward mumbled.

My still heart warmed at the words. Edward normally left such expression of emotions to me and Esme.

"Thank you, Son."

I wanted to say more, about how lucky I was to have Edward, and Jasper, for that matter, but we could hear our expected company was nearby. They appeared on the path soon after.

Jasper appeared far more relaxed in Maria's presence than he had been earlier. By the lake, he hadn't let his eyes leave Maria. Now he stood casually behind her, giving off an air of relaxed familiarity.

I hoped he wasn't offended by my distrust of Maria, which hadn't dampened in the slightest. She wasn't looking at me. Her gaze was focused on Edward. I had the urge to step in front of him.

"This is Edward," Jasper said, moving up to stand beside Maria. "The others are back at the house."

"Hello, Maria," Edward said with an air of boredom. Then he turned and started back.

I glanced at him, wondering what had brought on such rudeness, and then gestured for Maria and Jasper to follow.

No one said anything until we reached the parking lot. Maria stopped and scented the air, looking around.

"They were here, weren't they?" she said, looking at Jasper. "The rest of them."

He gave off some discomfort at the question, and his eyes shifted to me.

Maria followed his gaze. "A few more vampires, Carlisle, and you'll have your own little army. Should I be flattered that you thought you'd need them all for me?"

"They weren't here for you. They were worried about Jasper and came here to check that he was all right."

Maria looked up at Jasper. "Oh, they were worried about you," she said in a mockingly sweet tone, folding her hands over her heart.

Jasper looked away, and I felt his mild embarrassment. Maria laughed at this reaction.

I sighed, and opened the passenger door for Maria. Edward was already in the back, staring out the window in the other direction, arms folded.

"How long have you been living here?" Maria asked, when we were speeding along the highway.

I glanced in the rear view mirror. Neither of my sons appeared in the mood for small talk.

"Two and a half years," I said.

"When will you move on?"

"Perhaps in about five years. Earlier if the humans become suspicious."

"I've lived around Monterrey for centuries. When they get suspicious, I get thirsty." She smiled.

"I hope suspicion is a rare emotion in Monterrey, then."

We lapsed into silence, probably for the best.

When we pulled up outside the garage, Jasper moved to open Maria's door, but she was already climbing out under her own volition. She stopped on the path and turned around in a circle, analyzing the garden.

"Don't tell me you eat vegetables," she said, pointing at Esme's vegetable garden.

"My wife Esme grew up on a farm," I explained. "She enjoys tending a vegetable patch. We donate the food."

"I suppose we all have to fill the time somehow."

She raised an eyebrow at Jasper with a small smirk on her face, and I again felt mild embarrassment from my son.

"It's just a vegetable garden," Edward said, annoyance edging into his voice. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"It is when you're one of the best tactical fighters the South has ever seen," Maria countered. She shook her head at Jasper. "You're wasted here. I can already see what this is. An old folks home for vampires who like to play games, pretending they're human."

"Well, we do like to do crosswords and talk about how good things were in the 1920s," I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Edward didn't oblige.

"You think Jasper is wasted because he isn't doing your dirty work? That is a bigger waste of a life than growing weeds."

"Dirty work? He loved a good fight more than anyone."

"Sure he did. He loved killing your newborns, too. That's why he was so depressed you were going to _kill_ him just so you didn't have to feel it anymore."

Jasper gave me a look of exasperation as he reached out to touch Edward, forcing his brother to calm down. Edward and Maria were standing facing each other, both tense with their fists clenched by their sides. It would only take a little more for Edward to completely lose his temper.

I looked past them and saw Alice was sitting on the front steps. Jasper followed my gaze and instantly brightened at the sight of his mate.

"Alice!"

Combined with Jasper's calming presence, it was enough to break the stand off. Maria shifted away from Edward, so she could see Alice without having to turn her back on him.

Jasper moved instantly to Alice's side, and she stood up to accept his offered hug.

"Alice, this is Maria," he said, keeping a protective arm around her back.

Edward moved around to stand by Alice, allowing Maria to feel safe enough to come closer. She looked Alice up and down, taking her in.

"So you're the reason why he hasn't come home," Maria said lightly.

"This is his home," Alice said, matching her tone. "And he'd never have gone back, even if he hadn't met me."

I rubbed my forehead. I didn't need to be Alice to see where this conversation was going. To hell in a hand basket.

"Let's go on inside," I said, gesturing for the others to move on. After a few tense stares from Alice and Edward, they obliged. Maria stopped to finger the intricate carving on the wooden stair rail.

"Esme built this deck herself," I said, walking ahead of Maria up the wooden stairs. "Her current project is a greenhouse around the back. It's truly a work of art. Architecture is one of her many talents."

Esme appeared in the doorway, and came over to grasp my hand.

"You must want something, with such flattery," she said, bringing my hand to her lips and kissing it. She gave Maria a surprisingly warm smile.

"Welcome to our home, Maria. It is a pleasure to meet you."

Maria was less confident with Esme than she had been with the rest of us. She seemed put slightly off-kilter, unsure how to act around someone who didn't appear in the least bit cautious or antagonistic in her company.

She merely nodded in the end, and then her gaze shifted to the door.

"Please, come in," Esme said.

Alice and Edward disappeared inside, and I gestured for Maria to go in ahead of me, but she declined the offer. I knew from Jasper's early habits that she probably didn't feel comfortable with a strange vampire behind her. So I went in first, taking a moment to smile at a nervous Jasper waiting by the door.

Inside the lounge, Rosalie sat in Emmett's lap on the couch, doing a magazine crossword and giving off the air of utter indifference that she had perfected over the years.

Emmett jumped up when he saw Maria, casting Rosalie unceremoniously aside.

"I'm Emmett," he said, coming closer. "So are you as good at fighting as Jasper?"

Maria was quiet at first, taking in Emmett's size before replying. "I'm not sure. We never put it to the test." She gave Jasper an odd smile.

"So how come you don't have as many scars as him?"

"Because she had newborns to do her fighting for her," Edward said, taking a place on the couch beside Rose.

"But you must have been in fights sometimes," Emmett pressed.

Maria nodded. "Fighting is like feeding in the South. Fight or die." She paused. "Do you think you'd survive?"

Emmett glanced at Jasper and laughed. "If he can, I can."

Jasper was too on edge to respond to Emmett's ribbing. He didn't take his eyes off Maria. I had shifted to the side, standing hand in hand with Esme. Alice was perched on an armchair, hugging her knees.

"Maybe you should come stay with me for a while so you can prove it," Maria suggested. "I can arrange some good fights."

I found myself glaring at Maria, feeling my anger rise. It wasn't often I became angry, and it was enough to cause Jasper to quickly send out calming waves, targeting me this time. Maria met my gaze.

"Fair's fair, Carlisle. You've got one of mine. So I should take one of yours, no?"

My second son actually looked tempted. So strong, yet so naive. How quickly would Emmett lose that innocence in Maria's world?

"Before you agree, you should know I won't be coming with you, Em," Rosalie said. "If she must take someone, she can take Edward."

Edward pulled the couch cushion out from under Rose, sending her tumbling to the floor, her hair spilling into her eyes. Edward shifted away just as Rose tried to retaliate by emptying a vase over his lap. The water ended up running over the couch cushions.

Esme sighed. "Please, we have company!"

"She raised newborns. I'm sure she's seen worse," Emmett said, wrapping his arms around Rosalie, to prevent her from pursuing a pointless attack on Edward.

Maria's attention had been drawn to Edward now. I wondered if she'd noticed how fast he moved to dodge Rosalie.

"Hey, babe, if you really want to fight, why don't we go out to the clearing and have a best of three sparring match?" Emmett said, turning Rose around to face him.

"I just finished painting my nails."

"I'll fight with you," Maria said. "This sounds like fun. Play fighting." She winked at Jasper. "You always did enjoy that."

"He did? It took me ages to get him to relax and ..."

"Emmett," Edward said, his tone one of warning.

I glanced at Jasper. He was radiating embarrassment. Alice jumped up and held his hand.

When Jasper was new to this family, he hadn't been forthcoming about his past. It was understandable that he didn't want to relive the environment that had caused him so much pain. Emmett was hoping Jasper would teach him all he knew about fighting, but Jasper had needed some space. I later realized he was terrified of hurting Emmett, believing that such a mistake would jeopardize his place here.

But Emmett's persistence had won out in the end, and the boys enjoyed many hours of fun. Out of Esme's sight, of course.

"You up for this, Jazz?" Emmett asked, becoming aware of Jasper's feelings.

I would have known he was uneasy even without his gift. But he brushed it off. "All right. But I'm not going to fight, just watch. Are you coming, Alice?"

She nodded once. I half considered coming along to keep an eye on things, but then I wanted to talk with Edward about anything further he may have picked up from Maria's thoughts. And I had to assume that Edward would have said something if he saw anything amiss in Alice's visions.

"No biting," Esme said, patting Emmett on the arm.

"Yeah, Alice," Emmett said, pointing at his sister. "No biting!"

"I'll just be watching too," Alice said.

"Oh, come on," Emmett groaned. "Edward?"

"I might join you later," Edward said, glancing at me.

Emmett nodded. "You know where to find us." He kissed Rose before he left, and waved goodbye to me and Esme.

On her way out, Maria stopped and looked up at the wall beside the door. My father's cross hung there, watching over those who came and went. She frowned, and quickly moved on. Perhaps there was some basis to the myth about vampires and crosses.

We sat in silence for five minutes, before Edward gave the all clear to indicate they were out of range. Rosalie had the first word.

"She's creepy. I don't like her. Can't you tell Jasper to ask her to go away?"

"Well, like it or not, she's Jasper's creator," Esme said. "I suppose this is a bit like having in-laws."

Edward chuckled. "If she's an in-law, then she's a rich Beverly Hills in-law who sees us as crazy hillbilly cousins. She can't believe the way we live. She thinks we're all brainwashed."

Rosalie was offended. "She's the one who lives like a savage!"

"Was her invitation to Emmett serious?" I asked, unable to hide my concern.

Edward nodded. "She wouldn't say no, if he wanted to come. She thinks he'd be good in a fight." He paused, looking at Esme. "Don't worry. Emmett would never consider leaving his family, even for the chance of a good fight." He frowned. "Besides, she doesn't really want him. The more time she spends with Jasper, the more she wants him back."

I ran a hand through my hair, considering this. "What does she think of Alice?"

Edward frowned. "She could tell from the moment she saw him with her that they were mates. She thinks Alice must complement Jasper in some way, as she's used to seeing that in mated pairs. Her guess is that Jasper enjoys feeling her emotions, as he was always friendly with the newborns who were good-natured."

"Does she feel jealous over the fact that he is mated?"

Edward shook his head. "She feels … sad. Not on her behalf, but his. I couldn't get everything, because she didn't dwell on it, but I think Maria was mated at one point, and her mate was killed. She seems to think it's inevitable that Jasper will experience the same thing."

Esme rubbed my hand, looking away. "I can see why she'd think that way. It would be a dangerous thing, to be a mated pair in the South. There would be a high chance of one of you being killed."

"I believe revenge is what motivated many battles," I agreed.

"There is some part of her that does genuinely care about him," Edward admitted. "I never expected that."

"She has a funny way of showing it," Rosalie said, flipping a page in her magazine.

I smiled at this. Rose herself, at times, had a funny way of showing how much she cared about her family.

"Are you going to join them?" Esme asked Edward.

Edward shook his head. "Jasper doesn't want me to. He didn't think it on purpose, but … he's dealing with a lot right now, and he wants some privacy."

I sighed, knowing that if there was a way, I'd save Jasper all this emotional turmoil he was suffering. Esme wrapped her arm around me, and then gestured with her head towards the back of the house.

"While we're waiting, would you like to see the new greenhouse roof?"

"Always," I said, letting her guide me away from the lounge.

An hour later, I heard the sound of approaching vampires, and returned to the entrance hall. Esme went upstairs to wash her hands, as she'd been checking on the state of the flowers she'd planted last week.

I expected four vampires through the front door, but only Emmett and Alice arrived. Emmett appeared as if Maria had used him to mop the forest floor, but he was still smiling. Alice, didn't have a hair or thread out of place, but her face was an angry glower.

"Where are Jasper and Maria?" I asked.

"She's leaving. He's gone to see her off," Emmett said. "He was going to run with her to the edge of Calgary."

"Have you seen a complication?" I asked Alice.

She shook her head. "I see her leaving." She was silent for a second, and then shouted, "Good riddance!"

Emmett covered his ears. "You are so loud for someone so small."

I held Alice gently by the shoulders. "This hasn't been easy for you."

She leaned into my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her. "I hope we never see her again," she mumbled.

"You're brave," Rosalie said. She had come over to greet Emmett, but had shied back when she saw how dirty he was. "Leaving your mate alone with that harpy."

Alice shifted back from me, looking at Rose.

"She's not going to attack him. I'd have seen it."

"I wasn't thinking about attacking. It's obvious from the way she looks at him what she really came here for. You should be out there keeping an eye on him."

"I trust Jasper!"

"Sure. But do you trust her?"

Alice looked away, and I could see her face crumple with pain.

"You should go and follow him. He doesn't need to know you're there," Rose suggested. "Take Edward with you. He'll know what's going on from a distance."

Edward had joined us while Rose was talking. He frowned at the mention of his involvement. "This doesn't sound like a good idea. Jasper already has trust issues. How would he feel if he thought Alice didn't trust him not to betray her?"

"But Maria knows how to manipulate him," Rose argued. "She kept him doing her whim for eighty years. Let's face it ... men are easily tempted by feminine wiles. Jasper doesn't have the best self-control."

"Would you do this to Emmett?" Alice asked, sounding utterly miserable.

"Sure."

Alice looked at Emmett. "Wouldn't you feel like she didn't trust you?"

Emmett shrugged. "Trust would be the least of my concerns. I'd be worried she'd gone crazy if she actually thought any other woman could possibly tempt me when I've got her. I'd want Carlisle to examine her head."

Rosalie smiled and rolled her eyes.

Esme was just coming downstairs.

Emmett looked up. "Question for you, Esme. Let's say one of Carlisle's old flames showed up for a visit."

"There is, and has always been, only one flame in my life," I said, linking my arm through Esme's.

"Oh sure, same for me," Emmett insisted.

Edward made a scoffing noise.

"But let's just say. Would you let them be in the forest alone together, or would you go and spy?"

Esme burst out laughing.

"Should I be offended?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Of course I'd go," Esme said, nudging me in the ribs. "I'd love to see a woman try and seduce him ... and fail miserably."

Alice hung her head. It didn't go unnoticed by Esme.

"Oh, honey, is this about Jasper? Don't you trust him?"

"I do, but ... Rose thinks I should go anyway. Maria has some kind of power over him. I don't understand it."

"What does your heart say?"

"I want to ... but I don't want to hurt him. Edward's right, he is insecure about trust." She looked at me. "What do you think, Carlisle?"

Everyone looked at me, and I could see they were genuinely interested in my opinion. I hoped, by providing it, I wasn't setting her up for heartbreak.

"Has Jasper given you any indication that he would be tempted by whatever Maria might offer him?"

She shook her head.

"Then I think you should stay here. There is a risk of betrayal ... but there is also the opportunity of giving Jasper a gift that will strengthen the love between you. The gift of knowing that you trust him, at great risk to yourself. If you go, you may or may not prevent a betrayal ... but you will almost certainly show him that your trust has limits."

She nodded. "You're right."

"Besides, we all know how much Jasper loves you. Whatever his relationship with Maria might be, it is not based on love."

"So why isn't he back yet?" Rose said. She looked at the hall clock. It was just after four am. "He's taking his time."

Edward glared at her. "Could you be any less sensitive?"

Between Alice's pain, Rosalie's annoyance and Edward's mind reading gift, I could sense a pending family argument.

"Perhaps we could all help distract Alice while she waits for Jasper to return," I said. "Anyone have any suggestions?"

Emmett rubbed his hands. "Monopoly! You are all going to bow before the power of my hotels. Wait right here … I need to wash my hands."

"Wash the rest of you, too!" Rose called after him.

"Monopoly it is, then," I said, when no other suggestions were forthcoming.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

><p>It was just after dawn when Jasper finally returned. He opened and closed the front door quietly, like a teenager sneaking home after a night out. He startled when he saw us all in the lounge, watching him.<p>

"What took you so long?" Rose asked. "Having fun with Maria?"

"Rose," Esme warned.

"I went hunting," Jasper said quietly. His gaze wandered briefly to Alice, then to me, and then he looked away. "She's gone."

He disappeared upstairs. We heard the shower running a short time later.

Alice made no move to follow him.

"It's your turn, Emmett," she said, nudging him.

"Aren't you going to go interrogate him?" Rose asked, as Emmett rolled the dice.

"There's no point. We'll just end up fighting. I've seen it."

Rose looked shocked. "You mean he actually—?"

"No, he didn't," Edward interrupted.

"Then why did he look so guilty?" Rose asked. "His eyes weren't red, were they?"

"His eyes were gold. He did go hunting. That's all I'm saying," Edward said.

His words didn't cheer Alice up. She sat with her chin on her hand, looking despondent, and had to be reminded when it was her turn. She didn't even smile when I landed on a square containing two of Emmett's hotels, and had to declare bankruptcy. This was quickly followed by Esme and Edward, as Emmett took advantage of his windfall to build even more hotels. Then Rosalie forfeited.

We expected Alice to do the same, but she kept playing, seemingly not paying much attention. We watched in surprise as she somehow avoided landing on Emmett's properties, and instead built her own row of hotels on the exact square where Emmett happened to land next. It seemed this game was going to continue for a while longer.

I heard Jasper leave the upstairs bathroom, and I considered going to talk to him. My gaze shifted to Edward, and he nodded, giving me the all clear.

Alice didn't look up as I moved to the stairs. Esme gave me a good luck smile, and Rose just watched quietly. I hoped they would give us some privacy, but that seemed to be a foreign concept in this family.

I knocked on the wall outside Jasper's room, as the door was already half open. I could see him crouched in front of his bookcase, flipping through a well-read book.

He glanced over his shoulder, but didn't say anything.

"May I come in?"

He nodded once.

I shut the door behind me as I entered, hoping the others would take that as a hint that I wanted this conversation to be between us.

His school backpack sat on the bed, already filled with the day's study material. I sat beside it, looking around the room. The bookcase was the only part that spoke of the fact that this was Jasper's room too. The rest was entirely filled with Alice's wardrobe. Esme had been planning to build on another room just for him, seeing as Alice's clothes took up so much room. She thought he'd appreciate some space where he could escape, as needed.

Perhaps that would be her next project, once the greenhouse was finished.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Fine."

I should have known better than to ask that.

"Do you regret that she came?"

Jasper flipped a page in the book, still facing away from me. He shrugged. "I suppose it turned out better than I hoped. No one was hurt."

"No," I agreed. "You handled a difficult situation admirably."

He didn't respond to this praise, at least not in a way that I could detect. He continued to avoid my eyes, paying too much attention to a book that he had obviously read before.

I watched him, suddenly struck by how young he appeared. It was true that Alice was careful about ensuring they dressed in the way their peers did, but this was more than the clothes.

His whole manner was that of a teenage boy, ashamed to talk about something for fear of being misunderstood.

I wondered if he'd been like this with his human parents. Did he have a difficult relationship with them? Or was his closed nature the result of his years within Maria's violent world.

My heart ached as I imagined the day his parents received the news he would never be coming home from the war. Had they been involved in his decision to join the army early? Or had they woken up one morning to find his bed empty? Had they seen it coming? Or was it only preceded by brooding silence?

Jasper turned around, suddenly radiating surprise.

"Is someone leaving?"

Jasper always tried to figure out what thoughts were generating the emotions he could feel. He didn't have a hope of guessing mine. I shook my head.

When I didn't elaborate, he radiated curiosity, and then I suddenly felt like sharing my innermost thoughts.

"You know, Son, you can just ask," I said, my tone gently chiding.

He ducked his head. "Sorry. Habit."

I raised an eyebrow, wondering who in the family had been a regular victim of that particular trick, in order that Jasper might have formed a habit.

"I was just thinking about you. About how young you looked ... and then I realized you were younger when you left home to join the war. I imagined how your human parents might have felt about you leaving. That's what you could sense."

A vague feeling of guilt wafted in the air.

"I don't remember much about them."

"You could find out more. If you wanted."

He looked aside for a while.

"I believe I would find that ... depressing."

I nodded. "Sometimes it's better to look forward."

"Yes." He turned, staring out the window at the gray morning sky. "She doesn't understand why I've chosen this life."

"From what I heard, I don't believe she ever understood you particularly well."

"No, she didn't."

"That said, I'm sure this life sounded crazy when Alice first described it to you." I smiled.

He nodded, but didn't return my smile. I began to feel uneasy.

"I'm sure seeing her again made you think about the direction your life has taken."

I detected shame, but he quickly reined it in. Was he having doubts?

I stayed quiet for a while to give him a chance to speak, but he seemed more closed than ever. If anything, my presence seemed to be making him uncomfortable. I stood up, seeing he needed to be alone right now.

"If you need someone to listen, without judgment, I'm always here for you."

A variety of emotions spread from where he stood, and then he concentrated on calming my concern.

"I'm fine. Just seeing her again ... stirred up some memories. That's all."

"Understandable."

If he was Edward or Emmett, I might have gone over to embrace him, but I knew that would only embarrass Jasper. Well, it sometimes embarrassed Edward and Emmett too, but I knew they also appreciated it.

I started to turn to leave, but then I hesitated.

"You know, Son … seeing Maria, it hasn't been easy. Perhaps you should take the day off school and spend some time in the mountains with Alice. It's pretty this time of year."

I thought it was one of my better suggestions, but it was met with a rush of sadness. "She's upset with me," he whispered.

"Are you sure it's you she's upset with?"

He nodded towards the door. "I just heard her leave. She forfeited the game—she never does that. Esme went after her."

I smiled, and came to his side so I could put my hand on his shoulder. He could tolerate that much. "It's nothing a hug and some southern charm won't fix."

"You think so?"

"If that fails, you could also try talking to her. I know, it doesn't come easily to us men in relationships, but we have to do it sometimes."

He sighed. "Sometimes I would rather tear off my own arm and burn it."

My eyes widened.

He sent me some calm. "Sorry. Joke."

I had to wonder if that little 'joke' was what caused Alice to go off in a huff.

"I just … I can't stand to hurt her, Carlisle. So I don't tell her things I know will hurt her. Then she gets upset because I'm not being open with her. What should I do?"

It was the most candid speech I had heard from him since this whole issue of Maria entered our lives. He looked at me directly now, with pleading eyes, and I knew my answer would determine whether or not he felt able to share such worries in the future. I prayed I was giving him the right one.

"It is not easy to share something you know will hurt your mate, but if your silence is hurting her just as much, then you have nothing to lose with the truth. At least then, you have the possibility of working through it and your relationship growing stronger for the experience."

He looked down, taking a slow breath. The wave of unworthiness that pushed out from him caused me to pull my hand back from his shoulder.

"That's a difficult feeling," I observed, trying not to let it become my own.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel … I … she deserves better."

"She deserves someone who loves her," I reminded him gently. "And I can tell you without reservation that she will never find anyone who loves her more than you. Agreed?"

He didn't reply, but his feelings returned to a calmer state. I tentatively returned my hand to his shoulder, and then I felt something that made me smile. Hope.

He raised his head to look out the window. "Maybe I should go after her."

"That sounds like a good idea."

"I'll see you later. Thanks, Carlisle."

A second later, I was alone in the room, and filled with a feeling of gratitude. I had to smile. To think I had very nearly given up on this conversation. It was a wonderful feeling to know I had played a part in bringing happiness to my children.

On the way downstairs, I had to shift sideways to avoid Emmett, who was carrying Rosalie bridal style up the stairs.

"Guess what, Carlisle?" Emmett said. "I buried Alice at Monopoly. Even though she was cheating."

"I heard she forfeited."

Emmett shrugged. "That's the same as losing."

I smiled, shaking my head. "Don't be late for school. They won't accept that 'moose on the road' excuse forever."

"Oh, we're just having a quick shower, right Rosie-babe?"

"I don't know." Rosalie picked a leaf out of somewhere on Emmett, who knew where. "It might take a lot of work to get you clean."

The sound of Edward leaving through the front door could then be heard.

Yes, I thought, as I entered my study, things were getting back to normal.

* * *

><p>Esme returned not long after I had finally cleared the house of amorous vampires. We traded several kisses in my study before she broke away and moved to the telephone.<p>

"I have to let the school know Jasper and Alice won't be in today."

I followed her, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind, and nuzzling her neck. I had to smile when I heard her explain to the receptionist that Alice and Jasper had been up all night with a tummy upset, and she was keeping them home today.

She playfully pushed me away when I began kissing her jaw, as she struggled to concentrate on the conversation.

"Yes. Yes, they do seem to see a lot of moose on the road. I'll talk with them."

I tried again, sliding my hands down her body.

"Thank you, I do try and keep them civilized. Yes, things have definitely changed since I was young. Oh, I know."

I tried again to kiss her jaw, and this time, her attempt to push me away was only half-hearted.

"Thank you, Mrs Guil. Well, I really must get on with the housework. It's piling up, as always. Bye now."

When she replaced the phone, she grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me forcefully back onto the couch, returning my kisses ten fold.

It was much later in the afternoon when the subject of Maria crossed our minds again. I wandered into Esme's greenhouse, threading my tie around the collar of my work shirt. The afternoon sun streamed through the window panes, bouncing off the droplets as she watered the newly planted seeds. I sat quietly on the rickety bench the previous owners had left behind, my heart filling with love as I watched her. Her nurturing instinct shone in everything she did, whether she was caring for our family or coaxing flowers to grow from the soil.

She looked up and smiled at me.

"I really should fix that old bench. Perhaps I'll build another one."

"It has a certain charm the way it is," I said, picking off a splinter.

She put the watering can down and came to sit beside me, finishing knotting my tie. I watched her expression as she concentrated on getting it just right, noting the slight frown of her eyebrows and the downturn of her mouth. After all these years, I could learn so much from her face.

"Worried about Jasper and Alice?" I asked, stroking her cheek.

She looked down, her hands falling by her sides.

"I hope they managed to work things out."

"I would say so. They've been gone for hours."

Esme tapped her fingers against the uneven wood. I waited, knowing she would share her thoughts when she was ready.

"Alice asked me something earlier. She asked me if you and I ever talked about Charles."

I raised my eyebrows, and my hand instinctively found Esme's. I hadn't heard that name in several decades. It took me a moment to understand why Alice had brought it up. She saw some connection with Maria.

"What did you say?"

She entwined her fingers in mine, shifting our hands to her knee.

"I told her it wasn't an easy subject for me, but you never pushed the issue. It took several years and several conversations. And lots of love and patience on your part."

"And courage and strength on yours."

She met my gaze. "Then she asked me how I thought you would have reacted if Charles came to visit us."

I frowned. "Alice should have had that conversation with me."

"No. No, she needed to see if from my perspective."

"Jasper and Maria's situation was different from yours."

"Yes, we talked about that, too." She shook her head. "We all have our own story in our heads about Jasper and Maria. In Alice's head, their relationship was very much like mine and Charles. In Jasper's head, Maria is a woman, therefore on a pedestal, and he was a monster who turned his back on all that was good and allowed himself to be her pawn."

"Jasper is never one to hold anyone else responsible for his own actions," I agreed. "But Maria holds some moral accountability for what she raised her newborns to be."

Esme looked thoughtful. "I thought Maria must be a hard and cruel person to live the way she did, but I don't see any cruelty. I've been thinking about what her own upbringing as a vampire must have been like to make her the way she is. She is younger than I imagined, barely older than Jasper. And she seems genuinely fond of him. I never expected that. Yet there's something … sinister in the way she looks at him. Like she owns him."

"She created him purely to serve her purposes. She is used to giving him orders and having him follow without question. That's the way they lived for most of his life." I began to smile. "I think she still can't quite believe that he actually left. Or that he finds peace in this lifestyle."

"What confuses me is the way he feels about her. I think it confuses Alice even more. If I had been turned in that situation, purely to fight someone else's battles ... I'd resent her."

I considered the subject, remembering how Jasper had looked at Maria when he'd first seen her by the lake. "Jasper met Maria as a human. He was turned with his first impressions of her burned forever into his mind. A bit like Emmett feels about Rosalie, I suppose. Rationally, Jasper knows Maria is dangerous and her goals are not compatible with his ... but he can't help being somewhat in awe of her. Even after all this time."

"You're right. And I bet she's been using that connection to make him feel bad about leaving. I hope he didn't entertain the idea for one second that he should return."

I hesitated, considering the matter. "He has Alice to think of now. He would never consider taking her South, for all the human blood in the world. But even without Alice, I do not believe she could have enticed him back. Her life was never his."

"You know, I didn't think about how hard all this must have been for him. His past life, one he's worked so hard to leave behind, catching up with him once again. And Alice, his safe harbor, has been struggling too much with her own feelings to be of much help to him. I hope he's all right."

I sighed. "There are things I want to tell him. How proud I am of him, for a start. It is an incredible feat, what he's done. He was born into such violence, and you'd never know it to see him now, if it wasn't for those scars. To give up human blood after being conditioned to overindulge, takes much personal strength." I frowned. "But whenever I try, he closes up, goes silent, leaves the room if he can. My good opinion is like the mythological garlic to a vampire."

Esme laughed, rubbing my hand. "He feels unworthy of it. Don't worry. You went through this with Edward, remember, when he returned after his time away. You'll work things out with Jasper, too. He's learning to accept our love, it's just not happening as fast as we might like. Fortunately we have eternity."

"We do." I wrapped my arm around her, stealing one more hug before I had to leave for work.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

><p>My thoughts were still occupied with Jasper as I drove along the highway to work. I was trying to think of something we could do together to help him shift his mind from the memories Maria stirred up. With Edward and Emmett, it was easier. Concert tickets or a car show kept Edward distracted. Emmett just needed any form of competition. But when Jasper was nursing an emotional wound, brooding by himself in the basement or attic was the preferred activity.<p>

Although he did enjoy a good game of baseball. We might have to drive somewhere to find a storm, but it would be worth it.

As I rounded the next bend, the windshield was splashed with rain and gray clouds filled the horizon. Perhaps we wouldn't have to go too far afield after all. The windshield wipers failed to keep ahead of the downpour as I entered the stretch of highway which cut through the forest. Through the water, I could see blurry red and blue lights up ahead. A police cordon blocked half the road.

I pulled over, hoping desperately it wasn't an accident, but even as I stepped out I could see my hopes were in vain. Skidding tire tracks, blackened trees, burnt grass. There was no ambulance in sight, which could mean it was on its way, or had already come and gone.

I recognized one of the police forensics staff as I approached the small group of officers. He looked up at my approach.

"Hello, Doctor Cullen."

"I was just on my way to the hospital. Is any medical assistance required?"

"It's too late for the occupant, I'm afraid." The man pointed down the bank, where a mangled wreck was still smoking. "They skidded off the road, and the car must have caught fire."

I shook my head. "Just the one person in the car?"

"So it seems. The foliage is so thick down there. I'm glad for this rain, or it may have caused a forest fire. Here's the tow truck now."

I nodded, seeing the truck coming around the next turn. The police went to move the cones to allow it access to the ditch.

I turned away, heading back to my car. There was a family somewhere who would soon be hearing the very worst kind of news. My own worries about Jasper felt insignificant in comparison.

It was with a sad heart that I entered the hospital. I was lost in my own thoughts as I walked the corridors, and was only brought out of them when Lana appeared in front of me.

"Why so down, Doctor Cullen?"

"Good afternoon, Lana. I just ... had a very upsetting experience."

"Well, the mood around here hasn't been so amazing either. Must be a full moon, because the patients are all throwing tantrums. Oh, and you remember that boy Simon and his mother? He was discharged this morning, and the poor lamb is still waiting for the cow to show up and get him. Some people just shouldn't be mothers."

My eyes shot open.

"Mrs Woodson didn't pick up her son?"

She nodded, surprised at my sharp tone.

"They've been trying to get in touch with her all day. No answer."

My thoughts were focused on my memory of the tire tracks on the road, instantly comparing them to my memory of the tread of Mrs Woodson's car. A match.

"Something wrong, Doctor?"

I nodded. "Lana, would you mind informing Doctor Stanz I'll be in later. I … I think I know where Simon's mother might be."

She nodded, taken aback at my serious tone.

I used vampire speed to return to my car, feeling desperate all of a sudden. Desperate to prove that my suspicion was not true.

The tires squealed as I pulled away. Back on the highway, I didn't slow until I knew I was approaching the accident site. I left the car some distance away, not wanting to interfere with the tow truck's access. The police were too occupied with securing the tow rope to the wreck to notice me as I approached. My eyes were focused on the blackened number plate. Those simple letters and numbers confirmed my fears.

My hands covered my eyes as a picture of Simon's face filled my mind. The boy would soon learn he would never see his mother again.

There was nothing I could do but turn around and go back to the hospital. It would take the police some time to formally identify the remains. In the meantime, I would have to let Simon's nurses know of my suspicions. At least then they could make sure Simon was cared for. He would likely have to stay at the hospital again tonight.

Just as my fingers touched the driver's side door of my car, a voice called my name.

"Carlisle!"

_Edward?_ I turned around, looking back across the road towards the trees. _Where are you?_

"In the forest. We need you."

We need? Who else was there?

Once under the cover of the trees, I picked up Edward's scent and ran to his position. Alice was in his arms, shaking with sobs. He gave me a look of vast relief.

My mind quickly ran through the possible explanations. Alice upset, Jasper nowhere in sight. Edward obviously not at school. There really was only one.

"Did someone have an accident?"

Edward nodded. "Jasper."

Alice sobbed out indecipherable words into Edward's chest. Edward stroked her hair. "She thinks it's her fault."

"Oh, sweetheart." I came forward to place a hand on Alice's back. "What happened?"

Alice was unmoving beneath my hand. Edward looked down at her, and then began the story.

"Alice came back to school at lunchtime ... she didn't say anything, but I saw in her thoughts that she and Jasper had argued." He paused. "About Maria. They'd found her scent in the forest and it was fresh."

I frowned. "She returned?"

"Jasper wanted to follow the trail, and Alice didn't ... they argued, and that's when Alice left. Then she had a vision of us all moving, and ... and of Jasper with red eyes."

I reached up to rub my forehead.

"We ran to the forest to see if we could prevent it ... but there was a car burning in the ditch, and Maria's scent close by."

I raised my eyebrows. "The car accident on the highway? That was a coverup of the body?"

Edward nodded. His face became pained as he read my thoughts, which were filled with memories of Simon's mother.

"We haven't been able to reach Jasper. I got close enough to read his mind, but as soon as he felt my emotions, he ran off. I think Maria is with him." He glanced down at Alice. "If I ran full speed I could catch him, but I didn't want to leave Alice alone. Maria might go after her."

I sighed. "Come on. We'll stay together." I patted Alice on the shoulder. "The sooner we find Jasper, the better. If I know anything about Maria, she'll be using his vulnerable state against him."

Edward nodded. "I bet this was all a trap. She will have lured Jasper into drinking human blood in an attempt to remind him what he left behind in the South."

A ripple of fear ran through me. _What if her means of persuasion had worked?_

"Alice, I know this is difficult, sweetheart," I said, turning her to look at me. "But can you see which direction would yield the best results?"

Having a task to focus on seemed to bring Alice out of her despair. Her eyes became unfocused as she looked around, testing the various options.

"This way." She took off at a run.

Edward and I followed, my son quickly breaking ahead. He turned at various points, clearly taking his cues from Alice's thoughts. I ran behind them both, constantly checking the air for any sign of Jasper's scent.

When a vampire scent did fill the air, it wasn't the one I was hoping for. Alice and Edward stopped at the same time, and I shifted in front of them, feeling a wave of protective instinct.

"She's coming," Alice whispered.

Edward moved back to stand with Alice, and, as a result, I was the first one Maria saw.

She kept her distance, assessing the threat we presented. Alice let loose with a nasty snarl, and I glanced back to find Edward was restraining her. Edward met my gaze and nodded once. I knew what he meant. Our suspicions were correct.

"If you're looking for Jasper, he's at the north end of the river," Maria said. "But if I were you, I'd stay away until he has his emotions under control. He's dangerous when he gets like this."

"What did you do to him, you harpy?" Alice snarled.

"Oh, doll, you don't like sharing him with me, do you? Does it bother you, then? Knowing I taught him everything he knows about women?"

Alice tried to bite Edward's arm then, and I went over to assist my son.

"Alice," I said, taking her face in my hands. "Jasper needs you. Don't waste your time with her. Go to the river now."

Her need to be with Jasper at that moment was stronger than her need to attack Maria, as I had been counting on. Edward released her when her thoughts were calm, and she took off in the other direction, heading for the river.

I turned back to Maria.

"Maria, did you lure Jasper into drinking human blood?" My tone was carefully neutral.

"_Lure_ him? I gave a starving vampire some food, Carlisle. Now he is lying there, mentally broken, because he feels he has failed to live up to some unnatural law you have forced on him and all these others."

My heart ached at the words. Maria didn't know how deeply she struck at the heart of some of my secret worries.

Edward stepped forward.

"Jasper chose this lifestyle. You tried to use human blood to convince him to leave it and come back to the South. It didn't have the result you were hoping for, did it?"

"What choice does he have when he is mated to someone as crazy as the rest of you? To choose between a mate and human blood? What a choice to force someone to make! And people say I'm cruel."

"Jasper did not choose this life for Alice alone," I said, with as much conviction as I could muster. "He chose it for himself. And I can say with confidence that he is far happier now than when he first arrived on our doorstep. Or at least, he was happy. Your reappearance in his life has changed that."

"I've only forced him to confront the reality of his nature. He's a vampire. What good does it do to bury your head in the sand and pretend to be human?"

"What good does it do to live a life that brings terror and suffering to that which we once were?" I said. Maria made a scoffing noise. I could see engaging in this debate any further was pointless.

"I think it best if you leave Jasper alone now. He knows where to find you if he should wish to communicate again."

"What makes you think he wants me gone?"

I raised an eyebrow. "It is very telling that you are here, alone, and he is somewhere else."

"He didn't ask me to leave. I just can't stand to be around him when he gets like that." She waved a hand. "I am going hunting. That human made me thirsty. Tell Jasper to come and talk to me himself if he really wants me to leave."

She disappeared into the trees.

"I thought that's what Jasper did last night," I said, as Edward and I followed Alice's trail. We were moving at a moderate jog.

Edward shook his head. "She told him she was going to be in the area for a few more days, and that he should let her know if he changed his mind about coming South. Just for a visit, of course."

I sighed. "Jasper didn't tell her to leave."

Edward didn't say anything.

Jasper's silence this morning was making a lot more sense now.

As we reached the river, Edward stopped. His gaze was blank, and I knew he was reading their thoughts. When he turned to me, there was an expression on his face that I had seen before. He had something to tell me that I wasn't going to like.

"Jasper ... is angry with himself. He's drowning in shame. It's best if I go alone from here ... maybe you should go back to the hospital. Call Esme and tell her what's happened. The others will be wondering where we are."

I felt a rush of pain. One of my own was suffering. I could help alleviate that pain. If not, I had to at least try.

"I know, but ... Carlisle, don't be hurt by this, but you're not always the best person to be around when someone's slipped. You're just ... a reminder of the example we don't live up to."

"Edward, that's ridiculous. I never expect—"

"It's not what you expect. It's what we expect of ourselves."

"What message will it send Jasper if I don't even take a moment to see that he's all right?"

"I'll tell him you wanted to. Honestly, he'll appreciate it more if you give him his space."

I sighed. _Don't tell him I knew his victim._

"I won't."

It took more strength that I thought I had to walk away then. Walk was all I could force myself to do. I heard Edward run off behind me, and soon the sound of his passage through the trees had faded into the distance. Finally, when I thought I was most likely outside of Edward's mind reading range, I leaned back against a tree, burying my head in my hands.

I hated, _hated_ feeling helpless. Those terrible times when Esme had slipped during her first years, Edward had given me similar advice to keep my distance. My lack of reference point in failing to resist the temptation of human blood left me incapable of bringing comfort to my loved ones. It was enough to make me want to drink a human just to be able to say I knew what they were going through.

A stab of guilt assailed my conscience, convicting me for thinking of killing a human merely to make myself seem more fallible in my family's eyes. That wasn't the answer. There was another way, and I had the gift of time to find it.

I straightened up and took a calming breath. The faint traces of the sweetest scent on earth filled my nose, and my mood lifted. She was here. Coming my way.

"Esme?"

In a second, she was in my arms. I held her close, seeking her love and comfort like a thirsty human sought water.

"What happened?" she whispered, her hands squeezing tight around my back. "Emmett and Rose told me Alice and Edward had left school and had gone after Jasper."

"Jasper slipped," I said. "Alice and Edward are with him now."

Esme drew back from me and studied my face. I met her gaze.

"I ... she was the mother of a patient. A ten-year-old boy named Simon."

Esme's hands came up to her mouth in shock, and then she was embracing me again.

"Oh, love, I'm so sorry."

I let myself take comfort from her closeness again, and then Emmett and Rose came into view on the trail. I looked from one to the other, seeing their worried expressions and tense postures. I straightened up, knowing my moment of self-indulgence was over. I had to be strong for them.

"What's happened?" Rose asked. "Did Jasper go off with that tart?"

"Jasper is by the north end of the river with Edward and Alice. Maria enticed him to kill a human."

Esme made a low growling noise. "Where is Maria?"

"She's gone to hunt. She didn't like the effect her little demonstration had on Jasper, but I doubt we've seen the last of her."

"Should we go home and start packing?" Emmett asked, ever practical.

I sighed. "I think so. Alice saw us moving. The future could change, but right now we have to prepare for that possibility."

Esme looked up at me. "Do you need to return to work?"

I nodded. "I need to let them know about Simon's mother."

Esme patted my shoulder. "We'll find the others and I'll see if I can convince Jasper to come back to the house and start packing. We don't want to be seen out here. Edward can go and monitor police activity to identify any danger."

I nodded, reassured by Esme's words. As I bent down to kiss her goodbye, Emmett and Rose walked off a little way, scenting the air. After we ended our kiss, I stared into her eyes, and she gave me a small smile. She whispered more words of reassurance.

"We've survived worse, my love. We'll get through this."

I fondled her face gently, and then turned, running back to the road.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

><p>The police arrived at the hospital within two hours of the accident. They had been to the address where the car was registered, and a neighbor had told them about Simon. A heavy silence fell over the hospital staff, including myself, when they arrived to pass on the terrible news to a worried young boy. Mrs Woodson's parents were already on their way, and all agreed it was best for Simon to stay here until they arrived.<p>

I checked on him regularly throughout the night, but there was little comfort I could offer in the face of such overwhelming fear and confusion. There was some hope in his eyes every time he saw me, and I knew he believed that it might just all be a mistake, and I could be there to tell him his mother was fine.

Edward met me by my car when my shift ended. His face cringed with my pain as he read my thoughts, and no doubt saw my memory of Simon's face.

_How is Jasper?_

Edward looked down, appeared to think over his answer for a second, then met my gaze squarely.

"I know why Alice saw us leaving," he said shortly.

_Why?_

"Based on the evidence, the police suspect the fire was deliberately lit. The police will question the hospital staff, including you, looking for information. If we stay, Lana tells the police they should ask you about a foreign woman that came to visit, because she had an odd feeling about her. If we leave, she doesn't bring it up."

I raised a hand. "I understand. We leave tonight, then."

There was no point standing around cursing Maria. I had books and art to start packing.

"May I drive?"

I nodded, handing him the keys. Once we were speeding down the highway, I turned my thoughts again to Jasper, hoping Edward would be more forthcoming.

"Alice and Esme convinced him to return home," Edward said. "Mostly by claiming they needed him to help pack."

_Knowing him, he isn't angry with Maria. He'll blame himself for being unable to resist._

Edward nodded once. "You know him well."

There was sadness in my son's voice, but also something else. Some nervousness ... it wasn't like Edward to be nervous, not around me, at least. I stared at him, wondering if there was something he hadn't told me.

"You know me well, too," Edward observed.

"Yes, I do," I agreed. "What is it?"

"Jasper knows," he said quietly. It was almost a whisper.

_Knows ...?_

"That you knew his victim."

My hand instinctively came to my forehead. _Who told him?_

"Rose overheard you telling Esme. You know what she's like ..."

It felt like salt had been rubbed into my emotional wound. We needed to pull together at a time like this. Not deliberately cause each other pain.

"She wanted Jasper to know how much his actions had hurt you," Edward explained.

"I know she would have meant well." But Jasper had enough guilt without Rose deliberately adding to it. He'd feel he'd let the family down. Let me down. And now he'd think I was angry with him.

"He has thought that it would be best if he leaves for a while," Edward confirmed.

I was shocked. "And go where? Not with Maria?"

"No ... he hasn't thought about where. He just wants to go somewhere and work on his self-control. In a place where he won't disrupt our lives if he fails."

I sighed, making up my mind that he and I were going to have a talk as soon as was convenient.

"He doesn't want to talk to any of us. Not even Alice. You least of all. I think we should just leave him be."

It was then I saw we were driving past the spot on the highway where the 'accident' had taken place. And I couldn't ignore my own role in this horrible event that had resulted in a child who would never be embraced by his mother again. I had been the one to allow Maria to visit our family. I had failed Jasper by not insisting she was too dangerous, and therefore giving him a reason to warn her off. I shouldn't have trusted her.

"That's ridiculous. Come on, Carlisle. You're as bad as Alice. This isn't your fault."

"In hindsight, I would make some different decisions."

"Who's to say it would have turned out any different?"

I looked out the window. "Well, there's a good chance it couldn't have turned out worse. I should have guessed she'd try something like this."

"See, this is why you should stay away from Jasper. He's going to know that you feel guilty. Can you imagine how much worse that will make him feel, to know you're blaming yourself? Even just a little bit?"

"I'd rather he knew the truth about how I feel, even if it hurts him, than he labor under the belief that I am angry with him for killing the mother of a patient."

Edward didn't reply. I could tell he didn't approve.

"I may wish I had made different decisions," I explained quietly. "I feel terrible they've resulted in this outcome. But I will deal with this. I will take support from my family and my mate, and I will look towards the future." I paused. "I worry that Jasper cannot do the same. He was still struggling with guilt over his last slip, I know he was, and this far outstrips that. I worry this is an insurmountable mistake in his mind."

"That's a fair worry," Edward conceded.

I looked at him. "I had the same worry about you in 1931."

He flinched, not wanting to remember that time.

"I didn't resolve it by avoiding you and hoping you'd work it out on your own."

Edward seemed to be thinking over this. Eventually, he nodded.

"You're right. But ... we had ... have ... a different relationship than you do with Jasper."

"Different," I agreed. Edward allowed himself to bond with me in a way that Jasper may never be able to. It wasn't that he didn't want to ... I believe he was envious of the relationship Alice shared with me and Esme. His upbringing as a vampire simply didn't allow for the trust needed to form deep emotional attachments. It was amazing he had done as well as he had.

How could he learn to trust when his closest ally in the South, Maria, had made it clear from his first day that he would die if he ceased to be useful, either at her hands, or the hands of their enemies in battle. He'd been with her for eighty years, and with us for only fifteen. But still, in those fifteen years, we had already begun to reverse the psychological damage he had suffered. And perhaps, when considering the overall picture, this incident with Maria was a necessary stepping point. Of course he had to face her again eventually, to have some closure on his choice to leave the South.

Esme met me at the door when I came in, and we hugged for a full minute before she eased back.

"We need to have a family meeting," she said.

I nodded. "I have to call the hospital. I'll join you as soon as I can."

She nodded, and as I went to the back of the house to enter my study, I heard her calling the others down from upstairs.

I paused to lean on my desk, taking a moment to take stock of the situation. Telling believable lies always required some preparation. The preparation usually took longer than the telling, as I believed in keeping to the point.

It was the middle of the night, so I left my initial message with Lana to pass on to the hospital management in the morning. It was simple. Listening to myself say the words, I could easily believe it.

"We've had a family crisis ... the biological mother of one of my children has died suddenly. We will be leaving tonight to travel to Chicago. I don't imagine I'll be able to be in for the rest of the week."

I would follow this up with another call in a day, to discuss my resignation.

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, Doctor Cullen. Don't worry, just leave this with me. I'll make sure the right people get your message."

"How is Simon doing?"

"Simon? Oh, Simon. His grandparents have just arrived from the airport. They're with him now."

"That's good to hear. Thank you, Lana. I must get back to my family now."

"Yes. I'm sorry again, Doctor."

"Yes, so am I."

I sighed as I replaced the phone receiver.

When I came downstairs, everyone was quiet around the dining room table. Emmett and Rosalie sat by the windows, arms around each other. Alice and Edward sat opposite them. Alice had her head propped up on her hand, and she appeared only partially present. For a moment, I thought Jasper wasn't there. I was about to ask where he was, when Edward looked pointedly at the corner. Jasper was resting against a side cabinet, his arms wrapped around his torso, and his head bowed. His clothes were fresh, but his hair was bedraggled and dirty.

My heart ached at the sight of him. I approached his rock still form quietly, and reached out a tentative hand. Then I focused on my love and affection for Jasper, my relief that he was safe, my hope that he would recover from this setback. And yes, my pain over what had happened. There was no point pretending it wasn't there, as Edward said, he would know anyway. But I hoped it would be overshadowed with my belief that we could find a way through this one.

He didn't react, but I had to believe it had an effect. I patted him once, and then went to take my seat beside Esme.

"I trust everyone knows what Alice has seen?" I asked, entwining my fingers around Esme's hand.

Rose frowned. "I don't see why we have to move. Can't we just plant some other evidence? Tell this gossipy receptionist to shut up?"

"I've tried everything I could think of," Alice said wearily. "It's only going to make people more suspicious. We need to leave. Tonight."

"Then we leave tonight," I said with finality.

Rosalie groaned. I think she reflected how many around the table were feeling, they just didn't want to make Jasper suffer.

"The question is, where do we go?" I added.

"Vietnam?" Emmett suggested.

No one smiled. Rosalie actually glared at him. My thoughts turned momentarily to Simon's father, as I wondered whether he would come home for his son. Surely the army would discharge him, given the circumstances.

"Vermont," Edward said.

"Possible," Esme agreed.

Alice gasped. "No, Vermont isn't a good idea. West Virginia. We should go to Charleston."

Emmett rubbed his hands together, appearing pleased.

I looked around. "Any objections?"

"Can we please live near a good college?" Rose said. "I'm tired of high school. I don't care if we have to move sooner."

"I think it would be best if you all started at high school again," I said. "The country is at war, and I would rather not have any male family members aged between eighteen and twenty-five."

Rose sighed, but she was nodding in agreement, seeing the wisdom.

"Has everyone finished packing?"

"I'm done," Emmett said. "Just waiting on Rose."

"Jasper's done," Alice said quietly. "I still have my wardrobe."

"Okay, so between your wardrobe and Carlisle's library, we won't be on the road 'til morning, in other words," Emmett said, smirking.

Alice didn't smile at the gentle ribbing. She was staring at the table.

"Jasper has something he wants to do," Edward said. "So we'll have to wait until he gets back anyway."

There was a heavy silence while everyone looked at Jasper's hunched form. I could guess want he wanted to do. I'd been hoping he would consider it unnecessary, seeing as we were leaving.

"No," Alice said, "No, I don't want you near her, Jazz. I'll go. I'll tell her where she can stick her—" She broke off and let loose a guttural snarl.

"Well, you have me convinced," Emmett said, folding his arms with a smirk. "Can I go too?"

"Go where?" Rosalie asked. "What are we talking about?"

"Maria doesn't believe Jasper wants her to go," Edward explained. "He needs to clear up that misunderstanding."

I immediately pictured her reaction turning violent, but Edward reassured me.

"I've never seen any wish on her part to see Jasper dead. She finds our fear of that amusing."

"She doesn't seem to have any problem with hurting him emotionally."

"In her mind, he just doesn't realize it's for his own good."

Alice was nearly cracking the table surface with her barely restrained anger.

"Maybe someone else should go and tell her," Rose said. "I can make her leave." She pounded a fist into the palm of her hand.

Emmett smiled at this idea.

Edward looked thoughtful. "I think Jasper has to be the one to do it. If anyone else goes, she'll think we're keeping Jasper confined against his will."

"Then someone should go with him, at least," Rosalie said, looking at Alice. "I can finish packing your clothes if you want to go."

"I'll rip her head off if I see her again," Alice said. "I don't care."

"Alice ..." Esme said gently.

Alice raised her hands in frustration. "Look at what she did to Jasper last time they were alone together." She looked at her mate, and her voice broke as she pleaded with him. "I can't stand it. I can't stand for her to cause you one more moment of suffering."

Jasper continued to stare silently at the floor.

"We all feel the same, Alice," Esme said. "But I agree with Edward. This is something Jasper has to do."

Alice buried her face in her arms, and her body began to shake. Edward reached out to rub her back, while looking to Jasper. But he made no move to comfort his mate. I felt Esme grip my hand tighter, and saw Rosalie snuggle closer into Emmett's arm, clearly feeling unease at this seemingly cold behavior from Jasper. I knew better. As I looked briefly towards the corner, I saw only a feeling of unworthiness, not indifference.

"Hey, well, maybe I can go with Jasper," Emmett said. "Just to make sure she doesn't try anything."

Jasper finally raised his head slightly and spoke. His voice was barely audible. "Thank you, but I want to do this alone." His pain evident behind his politeness. "She won't cause trouble. She just wants to hear my decision."

"Is there any chance she will try and tempt you with more human blood?" Esme asked.

Jasper didn't say anything.

"Well, what's a few more humans, we're leaving anyway," Emmett joked.

I felt sick. Both Edward and Jasper cringed as I pictured Simon's devastated young face.

Rosalie gave Emmett a look. He quickly caught on.

"Oh, right. Sorry, Carlisle."

"It's all right. I know you don't really feel that way."

My voice was distant. Simon's face was a stark reminder of what could be lost if Maria did have any more tricks up her sleeve. Every instinct in my body was telling me not to let Jasper be alone with Maria again. But, I also could not ignore my earlier words to Alice about trust.

I watched Jasper, remembering his first desire to go and meet Maria alone. The idea had been to save us from any suffering. But this decision wasn't about us, but himself. He wanted to go and put his past to rest. A past that none of us were a part of.

"Jasper, I understand if you wish to talk to Maria alone." It hurt to say the words. "How long should we give you before we come looking?"

"I'll be back in an hour," Jasper mumbled.

"Very well." I stood up. "We will meet here again in an hour to check on everyone's progress."

Jasper slipped away immediately. I looked after him, silently praying he would be all right, and then made my way to Alice. She fell into my arms as I guided her into an embrace.

Edward patted Alice on the back before leaving the dining room with Rose and Emmett. Esme came to relieve me after a few minutes, knowing I had to start packing up my books.

"I'm going to call Tanya," I said, passing Alice to her mother's arms. "I'll see if they can have us for a few days while we sort things out."

"They will," Alice said into Esme's shoulder, her voice breaking with emotion.

"It'll be all right," Esme said, gently stroking Alice's hair.

"But, Esme, she's going to hurt him again. I can see it!"

I stopped in the doorway at the words, feeling a chill. I listened, wondering if he'd left already. Perhaps it wasn't too late to go after him and ...

I shook my head. There was no point telling Alice to trust Jasper if I couldn't do it myself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

><p>My phone call to Tanya was over in a minute. She and her sisters apparently had some male company tonight, so she wasn't particularly in the mood for talking. As Alice had predicted, they were always welcoming when we were in a tight spot.<p>

I had set about the task of stacking my books into the packing boxes kindly left in my study, when there was a quiet knock at the door.

"Come in," I called, wondering which one of my family members had suddenly developed some manners. The kids usually only knocked when they thought Esme was in here and they might see more than they bargained for.

No one graced me with their presence. I was just about to go over and open it when Jasper stepped into the room. He closed the door behind him, but remained hovering with one hand extended towards the exit. I was just about to ask him why he was back so soon, when he spoke first.

"Carlisle, I ..." His voice was barely above a whisper, and his gaze was locked on his escape route. "I know ... I know an apology is inadequate, but it's all I can give you. I am sorry. I should have resisted … should have ..."

If it was any of my other children, I would already be embracing him, but I knew Jasper might subconsciously misinterpret that action as an attack. I closed the gap between us, intending to put my hand on his shoulder, but he shifted back out of reach. I had to rely on my words.

"I know. I know how hard you fight to resist, Jasper. I know what it is to have every cell in your body urging you to give in. You have done nothing to require my forgiveness."

His crushing shame did not lighten at my words. Instead, it grew worse. I had to take a step backwards, so strong was the weight of the feeling.

I tried to maintain control of my thoughts, but his feeling had caught me unprepared. When Jasper made one feel a certain way, the mind tended to provide the memories that matched the emotion. My darkest moments of shame rose in my mind, and I recalled the moment when I first realized what I was. What I had become. The grief over my lost human self. The hatred of my new vampire body. Destroying it was the only option.

I forced myself to take a slow breath, and focused on Jasper. He needed me now. What good did it do him if I took on his shame and made it my own?

He'd turned away from the door, running his hands back and forth over his face. He was trying desperately to stop projecting. My own feelings shifted at the realization, and I did all I could to concentrate on the love I felt for him.

It had an immediate effect. His arms fell by his sides, and he lifted his head so he was standing tall. My joy at seeing him relax generated more emotion for him to feed off, and I saw him take a deep, slow breath.

He surprised me when he spoke. "Will you come with me?"

He met my gaze, and I struggled not to cringe at the sight of his blood red eyes. It was difficult not to picture the one who had given that blood.

"Of course," I said. "If that's what you want."

He nodded once.

He must have felt my curiosity as to what was behind his change of mind, but he didn't elaborate.

"It won't take long. I know … I know you have a lot to do."

"It can take as long as you need. I'll meet you outside after I've spoken to Esme."

He nodded, and went over to exit through the window.

Esme and Alice were sitting together on the couch. Our daughter now looked much calmer.

"Alice told me," Esme said, standing up and coming to my side as I entered the lounge. "Be safe."

I leaned down to kiss her goodbye. The kiss then turned into a hug, and the hug turned into a cuddle. It was only the thought that Jasper was standing outside waiting that made me pull away.

My gaze shifted to Alice.

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

"Better, now that I can see." She didn't elaborate as to what she could see, but instead released another growl. "I don't suppose you'd punch her for me?"

"I'll give her my best disapproving stare. How about that?"

She smiled. "Better than nothing."

* * *

><p>Jasper was silent as we moved through the forest, and I didn't try and engage him in conversation. In all truth, I didn't know what to say. My attempt to offer some comfort earlier had only increased his shame, and I would not risk hurting him again. All I could do was try and keep my feelings calm. Jasper didn't need any more anxiety right now.<p>

His pace slowed when we first detected Maria's scent, and he switched to a jog, and then to a walk, and finally stopped altogether. I looked away, giving him what privacy I could as he gathered his strength. There was a time when Jasper would never have shown any vulnerability in my presence, whether I was looking in his direction or not. We had come a long way.

"Sorry," he mumbled, when he'd reached the desired frame of mind. "Just needed a moment."

"Take as many moments as you need," I said quietly.

He led the way, returning to a moderate walk. About a mile down the track, we found Maria sitting under a tree, skipping stones into the river. She jumped up and turned to face us, her red eyes narrowed, her posture tense. She wasn't happy to see me. I didn't need Jasper's gift to know that.

I remained back from Jasper, close enough to provide support if needed, but leaving no doubt this was his ball game.

Still, her glare was focused on me.

"What are you doing here?"

My defensive instincts kicked in, and I let my arms hang ready by my sides.

"I asked him to come," Jasper insisted.

"Why? You can't think for yourself? You want him looking over your shoulder?"

The accusation was ridiculous. Maria had spent years teaching Jasper not to think for himself. It took serious effort to avoid starting an argument with her, but I'd promised myself I wouldn't interfere unless it was absolutely necessary.

I looked to Jasper, and found he was standing straight, not a hint of the uncertainty I had seen so often in the last two days.

As he spoke, he projected calm. "Maria, this is my life now. I have no wish to return to feeding on humans. Your demonstration only reinforced my views about that. I am a member of his coven, and Alice is my mate. This is where I choose to be, this is where I want to be. And ..." He faltered slightly, but then regained his confidence. "And I want you to keep your distance from me in the future."

Maria's expression became thoughtful. It was not what I expected. I didn't shift my eyes away from her, watching for any sign of anger, any sign of attack. But the thoughtfulness only became resignation.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you so sure of yourself."

Jasper said nothing.

She frowned for a moment, and then her face relaxed. After several seconds of silence had passed, she came closer to Jasper, raising her arms to embrace him. He remained still, letting her touch him, but not making any move to return the sentiment.

She rested her head against his chest and her expression became wistful. It was a while before she drew back.

"I understand. Visit if you ever feel the call of home. You know where to find me."

"Yes, I do."

"Goodbye, now."

She reached up to kiss him, aiming for his cheek. And then, she was gone. I couldn't believe it had been that simple.

Jasper stood still, listening as she grew further and further away. When we could no longer hear her, he walked towards the river. He crouched down and cupped water in his hands, splashing it into his face. He rubbed at his cheek, gently at first, but then becoming increasingly forceful.

Just as I took a step towards him, concerned he was going to hurt himself, he jumped up and dived into the deeper part of the river, disappearing under the surface with a splash that sent sleeping birds scattering.

He was submerged for a good minute, before he surfaced a few feet down the bank.

I approached slowly, having a fair idea what all that was about. Unfortunately, he couldn't wash away Maria any more than he could wash away the venom in his veins.

"It can't have been easy, saying goodbye," I said quietly. There was water weed on his shoulder, and I wanted to pick it off, but I refrained. "You did well."

He looked away, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Thank you for coming with me," he said in a formal tone, looking at a nearby tree.

"Anytime," I said easily.

I felt his shame, once again, but he was keeping it under control now. He continued to look at the tree. "I ... I wanted you to hear that, so there is no doubt ... I am committed, I am loyal, and I won't endanger the coven again. I do not take your forgiveness for granted."

I was both surprised and dismayed by his words. "Is that why you asked me to come? You thought your loyalty was in question?"

"It should be," he mumbled.

My eyes grew wide. I took a step forward, but he mirrored me, stepping back. No matter. He would know what I was feeling, regardless. "Jasper … we are family, and family support each other, through good times and bad. That is why I am here with you now. I know you struggle with the vegetarian diet, and it's only natural for you to wonder whether it's right for you. Everyone has, at times. I'm sure Maria has done all she could to make you question yourself in the last two days. What matters are the choices you ultimately make. With that in mind, your loyalty to this family has never been in question."

I didn't think someone as lean as Jasper could possibly hold any more shame, but he proved me wrong. I struggled to keep the memories away.

"I seem to have a knack for making you feel worse," I lamented, running a hand through my hair. "Please help me know what to say."

The request seemed to perplex Jasper. I was grateful for the break from the shame. Perhaps I'd already found the answer. Distract him.

His response was a quiet mumble, but he was looking at me now. "That you even feel the need to make me feel better after what I've done ... you should be angry."

I had heard the same words before. From Edward. And I knew the reasoning behind it.

"You are angry with yourself, so it follows in your mind that I should feel the same. But I do not see you the way you see yourself. You will have to accept that we differ on that point."

I sent him some affection to demonstrate what I meant. He closed his eyes, and I braced myself for more shame, but it didn't come this time. Only acceptance. It was a weary, resigned type of acceptance, but acceptance all the same. It sparked a rush of happiness on my side.

"It isn't a bad thing, you know," I said lightly. "To have someone on your side." That was an understatement of my feelings towards him, but I didn't want to embarrass him.

"I know. Just wish I wasn't the reason we have to uproot and move. It's hard to be certain that I'm right to stay with you when I cause so much trouble."

"You are certain about Alice, right?"

His expression lightened as he nodded. "She is everything to me."

"And she is certain you and she are part of our family?"

He nodded again. "She's always been certain of that."

"Perhaps you can settle for being certain by proxy."

He considered this. Instead of providing relief, his eyes filled with sadness.

"If I put more trust in her, this would never have happened." He roughly ran his fingers over his dripping shirt, sending water scattering. He sat down on a log as he did so, to prevent himself from losing balance.

I suddenly understood with more clarity why he had dived into the river. "You don't want her smelling Maria's scent?"

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut with the pain of the thought. I sat beside him, being careful to keep my feelings calm. After a minute, he began to talk.

"I haven't been fair. Should have told Maria to go away earlier. Should have refused to see her. Alice has every right to be upset with me."

"She's not upset with you," I said gently. "She's upset with Maria."

"We ... we argued earlier. Before ... it happened. Been too ashamed to even apologize yet. I've never felt jealousy from Alice before. Even in the early days, when I told her about Maria. She was understanding. Never jealous. Didn't imagine she would be now." He shook his head. "I was so stupid. It was supposed to be time together, and I found Maria's trail and wanted to follow it. Didn't think. Thought the jealousy meant she ... she wasn't as certain of me as I am of her." His distress was growing as he shared his thoughts. "Ever since you told me Maria was here, I've been trying to figure out how I could handle this without hurting Alice. I failed."

I wanted to tell him he'd done his best, and doing your best was never a failure. But I knew how he would react to that, and I was appreciating this conversation too much to be careless with his emotions. It was a privilege to have him talk so freely with me.

"It's painful to see one's mate hurting. It must be worse to feel it, as you do."

He nodded slowly.

I touched his shoulder, sending him some empathy. "Son, Maria is gone. Alice is at home waiting for you. She loves you. Let's go home and you can tell her what you need to before we say goodbye to this place."

He nodded, and sent me some gratitude. I wasn't entirely sure what this was for, but that really wasn't important. I could see some strength had come into his body now, and his head was held a little higher.

For Jasper, no matter how many terrible days he had experienced in his life, was not one to be defeated. He had an admirable ability to rise up from the metaphorical ashes, no matter how dark things might seem for a time. I knew this was a reason he had survived the vampire wars in the South, and why he would continue to fight his own instincts to resist human blood.

* * *

><p>I returned Jasper to Alice largely dry, as he had run full speed back to the car. As it turned out, I doubt she would have noticed had he smelled of Maria or not. She jumped up and wrapped both arms and legs around him as he stepped out of the car, kissing him frantically. I left them alone to clear up the fears and insecurity that had plagued their relationship over the last day, knowing they would soon reaffirm their absolute and unchanging commitment to each other.<p>

I found Esme out in her greenhouse, saying her own goodbye to her unfinished project. I slipped my arm around her waist, kissing her forehead.

"We'll keep the house," I said. "We can move back one day and you can finish it."

She reached across and entwined my fingers in hers, not having anything to say on the subject.

"How's Jasper?" she asked. "I trust we've seen the last of Maria?"

I nodded. "He's going to be all right." The confidence in my voice surprised me.

We didn't see Jasper or Alice over the next hour, as we loaded up the cars. Rosalie made a remark about some family members shirking work, and I suggested to her that they had their own work to do, of far more importance than packing cars. Emmett volunteered he and Rose for some private work in their room, an idea which Esme shut down quickly.

We'd just seen off Rose and Emmett with one full vehicle, when Alice appeared, glowing with happiness.

"It's going to be fine," she declared. "We don't need to take everything now. They'll be an opportunity to come back and get the rest."

"I do want to take this," Esme said, picking up a statue I recognized from her greenhouse. She buckled it into the remaining space in the backseat of my car. "Alice, you and Jasper can go with Edward."

I picked up the house keys from the hook by the door, knowing it was time.

"I'll go and lock up."

Esme had already done her last walk around and said her final goodbyes to the place that had been our home, for a short but happy time. She nodded, glad to leave that task to me. I had finished locking the back door, and was just about to lock up the front, when Jasper came down the stairs, a single bag over one shoulder.

I smiled at the thought I'd nearly locked him in.

"You travel light," I observed.

"By necessity. I could never go anywhere with Alice if I didn't."

"Ah, very true."

He stopped beside me, not going through as I held the door open. He felt hesitant.

I waited, remaining calm. My patience paid off.

"I don't know what would have happened with Maria without your guidance. I want to thank you."

I thought of all the things I could have done better, all the decisions I would have made differently in hindsight. But what example would I give Jasper by giving voice to such self-judgment?

"You're welcome," I said simply. I passed the key from my right hand to my left, intending to place my now free hand on his shoulder, but I stopped myself. He may have accepted that I was not going to be angry over his slip, but he may not be ready for affectionate gestures.

Jasper's gaze fell on my hand.

"Edward said the best way to thank you would be to let you embrace me. So, uh, go ahead."

He braced himself as if I was going to bite him. I couldn't help but laugh. I considered suggesting embraces should be mutual affairs and letting him off the hook, but I couldn't resist the rare opportunity. So I did what I had been wanting to do since I knew of his pain in the forest. I put the keys in my pocket and drew him forward into my arms, and used the touch to share my love freely.

He was tense at first, but quickly relaxed under the influence of my feelings. I spared him after a short time, but left my hand on his shoulder.

"I am proud to call you my son."

He didn't say anything, but I felt how moved he was by my words.

"And, I want you to know, if you had decided to leave us all behind and return South with Maria, I would still consider you my family—my son—no matter what lifestyle you chose to live. That love is unconditional."

He nodded, and sent me some appreciation. "There was no danger of that. I haven't looked back since the day I left the South. I'm no longer who I was when I was by her side. Her visit has made me more sure of that than ever."

"Your true nature was there all along, I'm sure. Just neglected."

He thought on this for a short time, and then nodded.

"As much as I hate the way I lived, as much as I wish I had more self-control ... I do like who I am now far more than who I was with Maria."

It was the most flattering self-assessment I had ever heard Jasper make of himself. And the fact that he said this now, when he was still feeling so terrible over the events of the recent past, made it all the more hopeful.

Perhaps, in a century or two, he might see himself half as well I saw him. The idea added happiness to my hope, and the feeling brought a fleeting smile to Jasper's face in turn.

We always had time to work on his self-control. But now, Maria was where she belonged. In his past.


End file.
